Deep Rivalry
by femalepadfoot
Summary: This is based off of the information that we had before Deathly Hallows. LilyxSnape fiction. They are enemies and become much much more. Classic.
1. The Beginning of the End

((A/N: This was written before the last HP book so… yeah. That's why Lily and Snape are like enemies. I hope you like it. I'm up for constructive criticism, by all means. Thanks. Oh and by the way, the characters belong to JK Rowling.))

Lily Evans crossed her legs under the table. She was sitting next to her new potions partner, Severus Snape. As much as she wanted to see the good in him, every time she started a conversation he called her a mudblood or another equally sour name. When the new seating arrangement had been announced by Professor Slughorn, Lily had been delighted to not have to sit in front of James anymore. He was always throwing paper balls at her.

Dipping her quill in her ink well, Lily began to scratch down the instructions on the board before she got to work on their latest potion. Love potion. Taking a quick glance at the boy sitting beside her, she realized he was more of a man. He'd grown quite a bit over the summer, and seemed quite a bit more mature. Not that Snape had ever been immature.

Severus slumped in the chair next to Lily, his sallow face twisted into a sour scowl as if it were stuck that way. Two dark eyes narrowed and stared at the cauldron through a curtain of greasy black hair.

He couldn't stomach the sight of her, the stench of her dirty blood being so near him made his skin crawl. Although things could be worse, he could be paired with that arrogant Potter or one of his equally arrogant friends, Black, Pettigrew or Lupin.

He sighed as he looked up and saw the instructions on the board. Severus didn't bother writing them down. He twirled his quill idly over the desk between his sallow skinned lanky fingers.

As Lily finished the notes, she saw Professor Slughorn heading in their direction. "Well hello my two prized students! There was reason behind sitting you two together. I just know it will work out perfectly. Just know it. You'll make the most potent love potion ever been made in this class."

Severus' spirits rose slightly when Slughorn called him a "prized student," but then plummeted just as quickly when he realized that he was being put on the same level as a filthy mudblood.

With that, Slughorn headed back to his desk. Lily grimaced. This was going to be a long year.

"So... I'll go get the ingredients." Lily smiled lightly, trying to be civil to him. It was pointless, he was just going to call her mudblood again. This was going to be a horrible rest of the year.

Lily dashed over to the ingredients. Meanwhile, James was watching her. He went over to Lily and Severus' desk, and pulled out his wand. "You touch her with your greasy hands, and so help me Merlin, I will blast you into oblivion, Snivellus."

Severus couldn't be glad for a moment's fresh air from being in such close quarters of a mudblood. It was quickly quelled when James appeared in front of him. He looked at the wand in James's hand. He smirked evilly.

Turning around, ingredients in hand, Lily saw James harassing Severus. She sighed. That didn't help matters. Just as she was about to tell him to stop, Slughorn did it for her.

"Potter, go back to your desk." Slughorn called across the room. James just stood there, giving Severus a heated look.

His lip curled and rage flashed in his eyes at James's words. "Better listen to the teacher, Potter," Snape sneered. He glared at James as if in some sort of staring contest.

James didn't budge, but stared right into his eyes. Lily sat down all the ingredients on their table. "Go away, Potter!" She pointed back toward his desk, her emerald eyes were ablaze. He wavered, and gave her a smirk before going to sit by Sirius. Lily sighed. "I'm sorry about that. He's such a..."

Her words trailed off into whispered cursing. Lily was shaking with anger. Why did he even think that was necessary. Severus was going to avoid all physical contact at all costs. He wouldn't dare touch a filthy mudblood like herself. They had one mutual understanding though.

They both hated James Potter.

Severus was filled with rage. He didn't need that mudblood interceding for him. He sat up in his chair, ignoring her apology like the buzz of a fly. He took up the ladle and opened his book to the recipe. "Let's just get this over with" he drawled. He placed the cauldron on the fire.

Lily nodded, and opened up the first ingredient. Treating it like a baby she began to gently pour it into the boiling water already in the cauldron. After that, she lowered the flame, as instructed. Her every movement was precise, and well measure. Thrice checked before she acted. Pulling her long crimson hair back into a bun, Lily felt someone watching her. Slowly turning around, her hands still forming the bun, she saw James staring at her dreamily. Sirius elbowed him and whispered something quickly. James sat up and gave Lily a smirk before pretending to go back to work. Lily sighed.

"I wished he'd just leave me alone." She said this to herself more than to Snape.

Snape stirred as Lily added the ingredients, changing the direction after each step, not as the book said to, but as he knew to. He rolled his eyes in disgust at James and Lily.

It was beyond repulsive to be in either of their presences too long. He smirked to himself, as he watched the two of them, James and Sirius, "pretending to work." They were preparing themselves for low marks on their N.E.W.T.S., and all they'd be good for is being a barkeeper at Hogshead.

Lily beamed as the potion turned the perfect lavender color for their step. She went on to the next.

"This is amazing." She said as she began to chop some willow root. "Maybe Slughorn was right about us being a good team."

Lily waited for the insult she knew was coming. She chopped thin, even slices of the root as the book instructed. Her fingers moved expertly on the plant, deftly chopping at a speed that nobody else in the room could rival with. They were way ahead anyway.

Severus grunted. He curled his lip in disgust, "Well, just be sure you don't get any . . ._mud _. . . on anything." he drawled as he narrowed his eyes at the speed she was chopping. He started turning the potion in the opposite direction, despite what the book instructed to do. The potion slowly took on the beginnings of the mother-of-pearl sheen. He glanced down at James and Sirius who's cauldron contents looked a deep maroon. He smirked.

Lily rolled her eyes, and finished chopping. Setting the knife down, she read the instructions on how to put the root in and how much. Carefully measuring it, Lily put one in with each stir of the ladle. It was time consuming, but it became the mother-of-pearl as instructed. "Do you want to switch jobs? Are you getting tired of that?"

Lily knew she shouldn't care if his arms were tired, but she was trying to be the bigger person.

"Why? We're nearly finished, don't tell me your sludge-filled arms can't withstand adding two measly ingredients more?" Snape sneered giving her a look of disgust, his lip curled so far it pushed his hook nose closer to his narrowed eyes.

"Do you have to be a complete prat about everything? Ever thought this might be easier if you were civil to me, not nice, but civil? And no, I was worried about your arms falling off, but apparently none of that matters." Lily began chopping furiously, her elegant face twisted into anger. She could only be patient for so long. Lily then added in the chopped dragon heart. Soon she finished grinding up doxie wings, and began to sprinkle them in slowly. Her wrist moving in a circular motion over the cauldron, she made sure not to get any on Snape. Or touch him because Merlin forbid she should get some of her mudblood disease on him.

"Believe me, mudblood, this is civility," Snape sneered as he continued to stir.

He found himself laughing at her renewed ire. She was so easy to vex! He found it entertaining. She was too nice for her own good to properly curse him, because she hated the dark arts that he so lovingly embraced. Potter was such a dunce that he couldn't come up with any good spells against him so he started using Snape's own spells on him. Snape's stomach began to bubble with rage at the thought of Potter. He quickly focused his attention on the potion. It was becoming the final product, a few more stirs and it would be complete.

Lily put away their extra ingredients, her bright green eyes shimmering with anger. Why this was getting to her like it was, she had no clue, but it was nonetheless. Slughorn saw her putting everything away, and went over to their cauldron. He let out a long sigh of satisfaction. "I don't think I could have done better myself!" Professor Slughorn pulled out two vials of Felix Felicis and handed one to each of them. "Well earned my prize students. Well earned."

Snape smirked. "Thank you, sir." he said as he took the bottle and put it in his bag. He looked over at James and Sirius and their cauldron of steaming maroon liquid.

Severus shook his head at them. They had obviously forgot to turn the heat down after step 2, added the doxie wings too soon and most likely didn't add them while stirring, knowing them they probably just dumped them in the pot. Also due to the sheenless goop they called a potion they had apparently chopped everything into chunks instead of finely chopping them to a near mince. He smirked as Slughorn examined their potion, evil glee flashed in his eyes knowing they were getting low marks.

"I think you two would do go with Remedial Potions." Slughorn said quietly, but Lily and Severus still heard. Snape snickered slightly at the thought of Potter and Black suffering in Remedial Potions. Lily couldn't fight back a very Severus grin sneaking onto her face. Even though now Lily really couldn't blame James for threatening Snape. He really did deserve all that attack.

Or did he?

He was just a sour angry boy who thought he was better than everyone else. Why give him the satisfaction of showing that you care? Then it hit her, by getting angry, she was letting him win. Though Lily doubted she could stop it.

Slughorn passed to the next group, who managed a meager acceptable with their sheeny peach like concoction.

"Low marks again, eh, Potter?" Snape sneered, "Has all that Quidditch air has blown all your wits out your ears?" Snape said with a lip curling grin.

James leaned forward, and shrugged. "Looks like you don't have a life, Snivellus. Oh wait... potions is your life. Stupid git. Probably doesn't even know what a date is."

He and Sirius snickered. Lily, on the other hand, shook her head. "You two are immature."

"Oh... so why is it that when he says something rude, it's okay, but when I do, it's wrong?" James crossed his arms. "You're always standing up for him. Why do you insist on standing up for someone who hates your guts, Evans?"

Lily thought for a second. "First of all, Potter, that wasn't standing up for him, and it was directed at him as well. Second of all, most of the time he's minding his own business when you attack him. Now, call me stupid, but that's hardly fair, Potter. Not to mention you've got your cronies with you every time. So talk to me when you feel like you can handle Snape here all by yourself."

With that, Lily turned around angrily and headed for the door as the bell had just rang.

James stood dumbfounded and slightly hurt at Lily's words. "Lily wait!" He called out after her. He hustled to grab his things to follow her.

Snape scoffed. "Pathetic Potter, my life may be potions, but yours is chasing after worthless little mudbloods. I'd say you definitely got the short end of the stick. At least my life will prove to be productive." Snape sneered as he gave a smirk.

Lily didn't stop. Her legs carrying her as fast as they could for her petite frame. The long red hair was falling out of the make-shift bun, and down her back again. People tripped over each other to get out of her way, knowing Lily Evans would knock them over if they didn't. Especially in this mood she was in.

Potter was such a jerk, and he expected her to stop and talk to him. To give him the time of day? He was totally beneath her. Maybe he'd have a chance when he grew up a little.

James bumped into Severus as he rushed his way out. Severus spun around taking out his wand, he pointed it at James locking his legs so he fell over.

Severus then left the classroom, stepping on James' hand before he could reach for his wand.

James let out a cry of pain as he heel dug into his hand. "Bloody--! I'll get you, Snape." 


	2. Meddling Moony

Sirius chuckled, and waved his wand over his friend. "Lost your balance, mate?"

"He won't get away with this." James got up and dusted himself off. "I gotta go find Lily... She hates me. Why?"

"Have you ever thought that maybe you should just stop? Maybe she's not worth it, mate. I mean, the girl hates your guts. What are the chances of her ever thinking about you as anything but a prat?" Sirius raised an eyebrow.

James nodded, knowing what his friend said was right, but he just couldn't stop thinking about Evans no matter how hard he tried. 

Snape made his way to his next class with a malicious smirk on his face. 

Nothing felt better than making sure Potter started his day off feeling like crud. He entered the DADA classroom and slipped into his seat, toward the back. He set his wand on the table and took out his book. 

Lily went to charms, feeling fully upset, and knowing it would only get worse because Potter was coming. That's when he entered. She didn't even give him the satisfaction of looking at him. He was such a fool. There was no way she was going to have anything to do with him. 

Pulling out her charms book, Lily flipped to the page indicated on the board, and read over the pages they were told to. 

James entered Charms. He searched for Lily, there was no seat next to her, but there was a seat behind her. James rushed to it.

"Lily, why didn't you wait for me? I don't see why you waste your time defending that greasy slime ball, Snivellus. Its not my fault he doesn't have friends to back him up" He said a bit defensively. 

Lily, who had been slumped over, sat up straight, and without looking at him said. "Then maybe you shouldn't attack him with _your _friends, Potter." 

James didn't understand how she could defend such a git. He was nobody, a grease ball who rolled around in the dark arts and hid behind his potions book. She then slumped back over. The girl who was sitting next to her turned around and smiled at James. "Hi, Potter." 

James was about to protest when he saw a pretty girl giving him attention. "Hey Madeline, how's it going?" he couldn't help but flirt back. He couldn't help it if the ladies were drawn to him, with his athletic physique and air blown hair. If anything it would spark an interest in Lily, once she saw what she was missing.

Lily turned to Madeline. "So Madeline, I see you're interested in guys who like to pick on others because of their looks, and lack of friends. Tell me, is it right to gang up on somebody with your cronies" She looked at Sirius, "And then when confronted about it say it isn't your fault they don't have any friends?" 

"Wow... Potter did that?" Madeline looked at James. Lily nodded furiously. She turned around in her chair, not talking to him anymore. Lily gave James a pert smile, and turned around as well. 

James looked at Lily his mouth open. How could she do that? She obviously didn't understand how big of a git Snape really was. James turned to Sirius and started muttering about how unbelievable she was being in a loud whisper. He was quickly hushed by the charms professor that entered.

Sirius nodded in agreement. When the professor came in, he pulled out a piece of parchment. He wrote: 

_  
Snivellus calls her names, and treats her like crap, but she still wants to stand up for him. I don't understand. Is there something I'm missing, Prongs?_

**Got me, Padfoot, It doesn't make sense. I treat her like gold and she spits at me. I just can't see why she doesn't like me, I mean I'm athletic, I'm handsome, she's smart and motivated, we'd make the perfect match.**

_I know it. Snivellus will never be good enough for her. Do you think they have something going on? But seems like if they did, she'd make him be a little nicer. _

**Ha, is it possible for that sour grease ball to be nice? **

He looked at Lily and felt a pang in his gut. Why did he like her so much. She has clearly made it known to him that she doesn't like him. Why does her defending Snivellus affect him so, was he afraid of losing her to his rival? 

_I suppose if he was getting her into bed he'd be nice to her. I would. She might decide she doesn't want to anymore if you're mean, you know. _

James raised an eyebrow as he read Sirius' words.

**Don't be such a dog, Padfoot. There is no way I'm stooping to Snivelly's level. **

James wrote back. He took out his wand and pretended that he was working on the charm like the rest of the class.

Sirius pulled out his wand in a swift movement and did the charm correctly before putting it back in his wand in the same movement. He then took the parchment and went back to scribbling.

_Well I'm just saying, there's nothing going on between them. At least not now. I'll be able to tell when their is. And I can't help it… Being a dog, that is. It's what I am._

James nodded. He scrawled a meager 'okay' in response as he continued to perform the charm, not quite getting it.

Severus sat in boredom as the teacher droned on about unforgivable curses. He smiled a little at the thought of using the cruciatus curse on Potter. He was ripped from his daydream as Remus, who was sitting next to him cleared his throat. 

Remus nodded. "Could you hand me my quill? I dropped it under your chair, Snape."

Remus was more bearable than the others. He wasn't as rude or mean, but the fact that he hung out with them didn't make him good. He'd also had a hand in many of their schemes. 

Snape rolled his eyes and reached under his chair to retrieve the quill. 

Severus didn't like nor dislike Remus Lupin. He never said anything mean to him, but he never stopped or prevented James and Sirius from doing any of the things they did. He just sat there in a quiet disapproving stupor.

Snape tossed the quill on the desk toward Lupin, and then returned his thoughts to the squirming Potter under the cruciatus curse.

"Snape, sorry to bother you again, but could I ask you a question?" His pale face was contorted into a questioning look. "I was just wondering... You don't hate me do you? I mean... I'm not mean to you, but I'm good friends with those that are. So why do you still hate Lily? I mean, she's a muggle born yes, but... she stops James from attacking you, and she's pretty and smart. What I don't get it why, even though she's muggle born, you dislike her. I guess it could be that she isn't pureblood... Though you both have a mutual agreement on one thing."

Remus smiled. "Hating James Potter." 

During this time, the professor kept droning on. Remus' whispering was rather annoying, but it wasn't like Snape had been paying attention anyway.

Snape sighed. "What does it matter to you, who I like or dislike, who I hate or not? I'm just a slimy git, remember?" Snape drawled dismissively. "I don't need nosy little mudbloods to stick up for me. I can handle Potter perfectly well on my own." he added. 

Severus adjusted himself in his seat and scribbled something the professor said on his parchment.

Something Lupin said had struck Severus oddly. He and Lily did both hate Potter, and she did practically always come to his rescue when Potter and Black teamed up against him. Why would she put herself in harms way like that, he wondered, unless she . . . no she couldn't possibly like him . . .could she? 

Remus watched him. He knew he'd started something working in Snape's mind. He'd just been genuinely curious about it. Remus himself was beginning to wonder if Lily did like Snape. It would make perfect sense with the way she acted, but Lily was an all around caring person, one to stand up for the underdog. Which could put herself in possible danger. Lily would do the same for him, but they had been friends for a while now. It was one of her faults. She was just too nice sometimes.

Snape sat there lost in his own thoughts when he noticed that students were taking out their wands and performing magic. It was all nonverbal, so he didn't know what spell they were doing.

He flipped confusedly through the pages in his book, looking for the spell they were performing. 

"It's the shielding spell on 193." Remus whispered and nodded to his book before retrying the spell he'd already done successfully three times. He was good at defense against the dark arts. Not as good as Snape, mind you, but still good. As he was in everything. 

Snape curled his lip and slammed his book shut. He had learned and mastered that spell months ago. He took out his wand, determination in his eyes, he gave a firm swish movement of his wand and adequately performed the spell. 

Remus smiled at him. "So... you've been thinking about what I've said? You see, I know no more than you do, but I can't speak for Lily. Though I think she might like you. I wouldn't put it past her anyway. You're not that bad of a guy. Very intelligent. She likes that in men." Which made Remus wonder if it was actually him she liked. "Well anyway--" The bell rang. "Have a nice day, Severus."

Snape looked at Remus with an incredulous scowl thinking over and over that if he kept talking about him and that _filthy mudblood,_ he would hex him.

He had the audacity to say that he had qualities that would interest her, _as if he cared._

The bell rang and Snape couldn't be glad to be rid of the pest. He slowly made his way to the Great Hall for Lunch. 

Remus smiled to himself, glad he could disturb Snape so fully. Meanwhile, Lily was making her way to the Great Hall from the charms classroom. She stepped onto the Grand Staircase in front of Snape, not even aware he was there. Her long red hair flowing behind her.

James stepped onto the Grand Staircase as well, right behind Snape. He was trying to decide whether or not he should say anything to him.

Snape scoffed as Lily stepped in front of him. To be in such close ranks with mudbloods... Slytherin himself would be rolling in his grave he thought to himself.

Snape sped ahead, nauseated by the sight of her hair swishing back and fourth, back and forth He turned sharply into the Great Hall, and took a deep breath, knowing that she was now a great distance away from him.

Lily saw him speed around her and shrugged. She began to rummage around in her bag for a bit before feeling a small vial in the bottom of it. _What's that?_ She thought. Then it hit her. _The felix felicis... When am I gonna use it? Perhaps for our N.E.W.T.S.?_

She shoved it deeper in her bag and pulled out a book. Once she got to the Great Hall, Lily began to eat slowly while she read.

Snape ate and slipped with his fellow Slytherins as they talked and conversed amongst themselves. He looked up and caught a glance at Lily. She was reading. _She's always reading and its never anything of interest, now is it?_ Snape thought to himself.

Now were she reading a nice tome on the dark arts then maybe, just maybe he'd reconsider that prat of a cupid's words, Lupin.

In, Snape's opinion, all Lily cared about were her precious books, it was as if it were what the dark arts were to him. An outlet for all the pain and misery that life brought upon them for not being the right blood line. She escaped into words, the printed page, and he escaped into the darkness where he could control the pain he inflicted upon others, where no one thought him weak, or a coward…

Lily felt someone looking at her, and glanced up at Severus. She gave him a nod, and went back to reading. He was probably thinking about how horribly disgusting she was. A flood of depression washed over her. Why did this affect her so? Flipping the page, she began to forget her thoughts about Snape.

Remus came and sat down next to her. "Hello, Lily."

"How are you, Remus?" She asked, smiling largely. Remus always had a way of brightening her day.

"I'm fine. I actually talked to Snape about you today." He was grinning at her. "His reaction was most... interesting."

Lily raised her eyebrows. What would she have to do with Snape at all? Was that why he was looking at her? And why was Remus grinning? "What did you do?"

Remus explained what he'd said. Lily got very red. "Why would you do that? I thought you were friends with James so you'd want he and I to be together, not Snape and I." She shook her head. "Well, I suppose he was absolutely disgusted with even the thought of it." 

"No, actually. He seemed to be sort of surprised almost. Maybe he was thinking it was disgusting in his head, but his face looked almost... like it was smiling. I've never seen him smile before." Remus thought for a second. "You think that perhaps you do like him?"

"No! No no no! I could never like him."

"Then why do you stand up for him like that?" Remus questioned.

Lily turned red. "Now you just sound like Sirius and James."

There was a pause for a few seconds as they ate. Then Remus answered. "You didn't answer my question."

Lily shook her head furiously. "No. No I do not like Severus Snape. There. You happy, Remus?"

Snape looked away when Remus approached and started talking to Lily. He looked down at his food with a scowl. He looked up at her again. She was shaking her head vigorously, Remus was smiling knowingly, no doubt he was divulging his failed matchmaking attempt to her.

He took in a spoonful of food and then looked up at her again, she was reading again. Snape's mind went to the books on the dark arts he had in his trunk. Perhaps if he offered one to her. Who knows maybe she would find them as fascinating as he did, and they could discuss the book afterward. He shook the thought out of his head and continued eating. _She's a mudblood,_ he told himself.

"Not exactly because I think you're lying." Remus probed her. Lily looked at him as if green jello were coming out of his nose. 

"Remus." She said as if she were scolding an unruly child. Remus grinned at her as she continued. "I think I would know if I liked Snape or not. I mean, it's my feelings we're talking about here."

Remus chuckled. "Well you may not know. Maybe you're trying to deny it."

Lily looked shocked. "What are you talking about?!"

The more he tried to ignore it, the more it pestered him. He slumped in his seat, poking his meat idly with his fork. _If there is nothing there,_ lectured his inner voice tauntingly, _then why is she so nice to even when you treat her like dirt? Why does she stick up for you when Potter and his prat friends gang up on you… even after that on time when he… _Snape gasped sharply as he recounted the memory of being exposed hanging upside down while everyone laughed. _No! She's a mudblood, _he lectured himself, _Ha! Why are you acting so high and mighty, its not like you're so pure, now are you? You have that weakling muggle blood creeping in your veins as well… _the voice teased him.

Severus went into a scowl. He grabbed his bag and stormed out of the Great Hall.

"Maybe you subconsciously have feelings for him." Remus raised an eyebrow questioningly.

Lily shoved her book in her bag. "I don't feel like talking to you anymore, Remus." She got up, and pulled her robes tighter. "Have a good day."

She stormed out as well, not even aware that Severus was only steps ahead of her. How could he say things like that? It was so incredibly annoying. Remus was being out of hand. What did he expect to happen from all that? She double her speed while still staring at the ground. So she ran smack into Severus' back. She fell to the ground, her books flying everywhere. 

"Umpf!" Severus grunted as he toppled to the ground. He turned over and his eyes narrowed as he saw Lily. He picked up a book and tossed it to her.

"I'm sorry I didn't... Oh, it's you." Lily grimaced wondering how this day could get any worse.

"Watch were you're going, Mudblood" he hissed and he stood up to dust himself off, he was about to just storm off when he saw a book that caught his eye.

He bent to pick it up. He looked at it with a sort of detached curiosity. He then flashed his dark eyes to Lily, he held the book out to Lily, as she reached for it, he held onto it. It was a library book.

"Is it any good?" he asked in an abnormally casual voice, especially when it was Lily he was talking to.

"Yeah. It's about an older man who used to be an auror. He specializes in the Dark Arts." She took it from his hand gently. "You can borrow it if you want... if the stench of mudblood isn't too strong on it."

Getting up, she began to put the books back in her bags slowly. "I'm sorry I ran into you, Snape. Next time I'll watch where I'm going." Her eyes were sorrowful and downcast. 

Snape thumbed through the book, and then thrust the book to Lily. As she took it, his dark eyes lingered on her for a moment, he had a penetrating stare. He shook his head at her.

"Lupin was talking to you about me wasn't he?" he said randomly.

Lily nodded, and gathered all her things. "Yes. Peculiar conversation."

She didn't look at him, afraid that what Remus said was true... what if she subconsciously did like him? Her bright green eyes were locked with the floor. 

"Don't worry, mudblood, I wouldn't waste my time on you" he said. It was a very Snape-ish way of saying,_ I don't like you either._. 

"Right, well I hope you're happy with your nothing of a life, Snape." Her tone was cold, and sliced like a knife. Lily could be just as mean, if not more than, Snape when she wanted.

Crossing her arms, she went up the stairs to the library to spend her extra period. 

Snape turned at Lily's words. He had to admit he was impressed. _Well, well, well, little miss nice girl does have some venom in her_ said a voice in his head tauntingly. Snape debated whether or not he wanted to go up after her. He looked on the ground and saw that she had left a quill. He seized it and went after her. 

Lily plopped down in the library feeling like she'd ran a mile. why did his words sting so hard? She felt like he'd just punched her in the gut. Remus' words haunted her. _Maybe you subconsciously have feelings for him..._

Of course she didn't.. this was Severus Snape they were talking about. She did not like him. End of story. Fin. Finished. Done.


	3. Evasive Evans

Snape slithered around a book case, his dark eyes marking her like a predator, "You dropped this."

He had a way of coming off as creepy. He walked with the grace of a spider, and eyes that were cold, dark and empty. He twirled her quill between his fingers. 

Lily looked up. "Oh... thank you."

She avoided his eyes, and held out her hand for it. Lily really couldn't even stand being this close to him. Her mind ticked numbly. It wasn't that she hated him... Not at all. In fact, deep down inside it was quite the opposite and she hated it. 

Snape lingered, after she took the quill. "Why do you stick up for me anyway?" he asked out of the blue, not removing his gaze. He ran his hand over the books as he remained clung to the bookshelf. 

"I don't know, Snape." Lily didn't want to take her eyes from the table below her, but she did anyway. Looking up at Snape, Lily gave the faintest hint of a smile. "If I knew why I did it, I'd be a lot less stumped myself."

"I'm just as confused as you are here." Her tone had a hint of anger in it. The smile disappeared. "I guess it's because I don't think it's right. Potter is such a bully, and he expects me to like him? It makes no sense."

Snape blinked . "Why do you care how Potter treats me, I treat you like . . _.dirt . _. .and you still want to defend me against his powerless venom?" Snape urged, determined to make some leeway into the issue. 

"I... I don't know, Snape. If I knew, it would answer my questions as well as yours." Lily looked back down at the table. The more she thought about it, the less it made sense. Actually... the more it made sense. She liked him. It was the only thing that made sense. She'd have to test this theory though. 

Snape's lip curled. "Hm" he grunted. "Pathetic" He hissed. "Smart as you are, Evans . . ." he let himself fade off. He shook his head at her. He turned and left down the aisle of books and then out the library itself. He still had most of his free period left to what he wanted. He went out to the grounds and sat by the lake. 

Lily frowned. This was completely pointless. She couldn't just tell him that she liked him, but... What was she supposed to do? Wrapping her arms around herself, Lily put her head down on the table. This was so frustrating she just felt like she was going to cry, but she didn't. Lily couldn't cry. Opening her potions book, she looked at their next potion. Verisatum. Truth potion. She shuddered at the thought of some of that being slipped into her drink...

Severus sat at the lake and began writing in the margins of his potions book, he was working on another spell, one that Potter couldn't steal for himself, _the git_, one that only he knew the counter-curse too. He was getting pretty close. He took out his wand to come up with the wrist movement for it. 

Deciding that studying was not what would keep her busy today, Lily got up and headed out of the library. She couldn't stand it any longer. She needed to be somewhere that had a lot of noise. Some place that Lily couldn't be left alone with her thoughts. It wasn't good for her. Stepping into the hallway, she guessed the lake would be her best bet. After a good five minutes walk, she found herself on the shore of the lake. Kids of all years were laughing and running around. The squid was feeling active today, and was moving about happily in the water. This is just where she needed to be. 

Snape was trying out various wrist movements, he had narrowed it down to three and then he placed his wand back in his book and picked up his quill and scratched out what he had previously and started scrawling something else. He was in his own little world. 

Lily looked around at the various students lounging around the lake. A dark figure caught her attention. Snape. She sighed, and watched him. He seemed very caught up in something. Lily watched him moving his wand about. She wondered what he was up to, but knew that if she tried to go talk to him, she'd get told to go away. 

Snape closed his book and glowered around the lake with his usual scowl on his face. He saw Lily staring at him, he stared back with his dark eyes meeting her green ones, _Is she following me intentionally? _he wondered. _I wonder how long it will take her to look away_ he said he intensified his stare. 

Lily felt a blush rise on her cheeks, but met his stare. She gave him an equally intense gaze. Half of her wanted to look away. To go back to the library and deal with her thoughts, but the other half wanted to spend the rest of her day staring back at him. Then she wouldn't be alone to wonder about her feelings for him. 

Shocked and impressed that she actually met his gaze, held it, and matched its intensity instead of looking away , ashamed and afraid like a coward, he smirked, it seemed to light up his face. 

Though here the thoughts were intensified. Especially because they were looking at each other. Chewing on the inside of her lip, Lily wondered how much longer this would go on. She'd meet his gaze as long as he met hers. 

Snape stood up and started to walk toward her, not taking his gaze off her. "What are you doing here?" he asked once they were closer in range of each other. "Don't you have something better to do with your time than follow me around?" he spat in his usual tone. 

"I didn't follow you, Snape." Lily crossed her arms, a slight hint of hurt in her green eyes. "If I'd followed you I'd have been out here earlier. I had no idea you were here."

She blinked slowly, wondering why it was necessary that he use that tone with her. Then she remembered who he was and didn't question it. 

"Hm" Snape grunted. "You didn't answer my first question" he said blandly, ignoring the flicker of offense that flashed in her eyes. _Obviously the mark of an undisciplined mind._ He told himself. He was in the process of teaching himself Occlumency. 

"Is it against the law to decide to have a seat beside the lake?" Lily eyed him angrily. "I don't have to explain myself to you." 

Her emerald eyes sparkled with something he couldn't read. Maybe she was a little more controlled that he thought. Having feelings for others did things to you that you wouldn't ordinarily let happen. 

Snape's eyes narrowed. "As if you have the capability of knowing the reason behind any of your actions" Snape shot back, obviously alluding to their previous conversation. "Clearly your muggle blood making a muddy mess in your brain" he sneered. 

Lily shook her head. "Well if you were smart, Snivellus, you'd be able to see why I do some of the things I do." She got up, and threw her bag over her shoulder. "Good day, Snape. Oh and by the way, you don't have to use a quill as an excuse to follow me." 

She stormed off to the castle, her long red hair flying behind her. 

Snape winced slightly at the name Snivellius. He wrinkled his nose and curled his lip as he ran off to follow her. "Where do you get at , saying I'm not smart?" he raged, his dark eyes glowering at her through his greasy black hair. "You're the one that does things without knowing why." he sneered. He had an idea of why she did but he needed to hear her say it. He needed confirmation.

"Why should I tell you anything if you're just going to mock and criticize me for it?" Her anger was welling. Tears began to form in her eyes. Lily cursed herself for showing this kind of reaction to anything he did. She wasn't crying out of sorrow, but pure rage and anger. 

"For the same reason you defend me when you obviously see me the same way they do." Snape said simply. He noticed her angry tears and looked away. 

"I do not!" She yelled. Her outburst was completely embarrassing. Lily had only called him Snivellus to hurt him. She was almost certain it had worked. Wiping the tears away quickly, she kept on walking. A light blush was rising onto her cheeks. Lily never made outbursts like that. Why was it that he made her so... emotional? 

Snape shook his head at her. "Lupin was right, wasn't he?" he shouted after her, his voice still managing to not go above a whisper. He stood there waiting for her reaction. 

Lily turned around, and stared at him for a second before nodding gently. It was just then that the gathering clouds began to make small drops of rain down on them that only got harder by the second. Lily couldn't believe she was standing here admitting her feelings for him. 

Severus just stood there in the rain, his face was completely emotionless. He nodded as he walked up to her. "I thought so." he said. "Why else would you go all red in the face, when I talked to you without them around. You refuse to all me Snivellus except that once which was _clearly _only because I called you a mudblood, and you wanted to hurt me as much as I had just hurt you. Why else would you practically blow an emotional gasket back there when all I did was ask you a question?" He stated shrewdly, his dark eyes bored into hers. The rain with his greasy black hair gave him a the look of a drowning person.

Lily stared right back into his eyes, the tears mixing with the rain that slid down her cheeks. Her clothes were getting heavy and uncomfortable with the rain, but she didn't budge. Lily reached up and moved the hair back from his face. She realized what she'd done and quickly took her hand away, her face hardening from the soft look she had given him only moments before. Lily was doing her best to be her normal self.

Severus's eyes watched as Lily's hand moved the hair away from his face and then his eyes followed as she quickly took her hand away. He smirked. "We should head inside" he said simply, he started to back away then turned around and took long strides toward the castle. He felt his stomach lurch a bit, his heart beat was beating faster, his hands were trembling and not from the cold of the rain either. 

Lily nodded and followed him inside. The rush of students getting in before the rain had picked up had moved along. She felt a shiver run down her spine and realized she was cold. Crossing her arms to try and guard her from the freezing rain, Lily watched him ahead of her. She could only wonder what would happen next. He didn't react the way she thought he would to her touching him. Maybe this wouldn't be as bad as she thought.

Maybe Lily didn't have to be ashamed...

Severus ignored the other students that ran into him and pushed past him, until one pushed him in the mud and kept running toward the castle, "Its just Snivellus" He heard them say, "Maybe being out here in the rain could do him some good" they continued, it was a pair of gryffindor girls that usually hung around Sirius.

Snape sat there in the mud, trying to compose himself. He felt Lily's eyes staring at his back and quickly tried to get up so as to avoid looking foolish, but he slipped and fell back down. Shameful bile crept up his throat as the rain continued to pour down.

Lily frowned, and gave the girls a dirty look. She went over to him and held out her hand for him. "Don't mind them, Severus, they just have their heads up Black's bum."

She really didn't like those girls, and they didn't like her either. It probably had something to do with Sirius not liking her. That was only because she kept turning James down. Severus looked up, his hair obstructing his vision, he looked at Lily's hand for a moment, then took it and pulled himself up.

"Thanks." he muttered. He quickly realized that he was still holding her hand, his fingers bony and cold, began to tremble at the awareness of her touch. He took his hand away. He swallowed and continued to make his way to the castle. 

Lily pursed her lips as he took his hand away from hers. She too had noticed they were still together. Frowning, she walked beside him to the castle. Lily could only hope they didn't run into the marauders. That would be bad.

As they stepped into the entrance hall, Lily felt another shiver as the cool air hit her. She was sopping wet. 

Severus opened his mouth and gasped a bit as the shock of temperature changed a bit. He rummaged in his wand a bit and tapped his head, instantly drying himself. He then looked at Lily, he flicked his wand and she was instantly dry too. 

"Thanks." She smiled at him, still slightly cold. Lily was hugging herself, trying to keep warm. There were only a couple other students in the Great Hall because it wasn't a dinner time yet.

Lily stood there awkwardly, wondering what was going to happen now. 

Severus looked around the Great Hall. "I should head back to my common room, now." he said finally, he looked at Lily and gave a smirky smile. "Later Evans" he said and he headed toward the Dungeons. 

Lily frowned, and nodded. She watched him leave. She wanted to call him back, tell him everything, but she couldn't. Slowly following him out of the Great Hall, she went up the stairs. _Now what?_ She wondered. _Where they just going to pretend she'd never admitted it? Wait... _A thought hit her suddenly. She whispered to herself. "He just called me Evans..."

She turned around to look for him.


	4. Troubling of Snape

Snape was halfway down the hall about to turn the corner to go to the dungeons to the Slytherin common room. He walked with his gaze to the floor. He was thinking about what Lily had admitted to him. _No wonder she's in gryffindor, it took guts to admit something like that._ He thought to himself.

Snape entered the Slytherin common room, looking brooding as usual. He plopped down on the couch and took out his potions book and resumed to work on his spell. 

A girl with long blond hair came down into the common room. "Hello, Severus. How are you today?" Her name was Samantha. She had a small crush on Snape, and she was rather annoying. 

Severus rolled his eyes when he heard her voice. "Hey, Sam." he muttered back. He closed his potions book and sat in his normal brood, glowering at the fire crackling in front of him. 

"What did you do today? I didn't see you at all." Her voice was high-pitched and forced through her nasal passages. 

Snape sucked in his cheeks and resisted the urge to stun her silent. He had a sudden rage against her, because he knew that she liked him. Something occurred to him suddenly, before he could tolerate Sam, she was one of the few people that were at least civil to him, who didn't snicker when he entered the room or pull out their wand ready to jinx him. But now, now that Lily had confessed her feelings for him, he is all of a sudden very annoyed at her presence. He actually wants her to go away. What did this mean? Did he actually have feelings for Lily Evans too?

"I went out to the lake." he answered simply, "Needed some air." he added so she didn't ask why.

"Oh... well I was thinking... this coming weekend is a Hogsmeade weekend. Would want to go with me?" She asked lightly. Sam studied him, wondering how he would respond. 

Severus was taken aback by her question. Lily had just admitted her feelings to him, but Potter would probably ask her to Hogsmeade, and she probably wouldn't want to endure the ridicule from the other Gryffindors that came with being associated with him. He looked at Sam, full eye contact. "We're in the same house, we kind of do go together" he replied testing her, to see her response. 

"I meant... like more than classmates." Samantha said, wringing her hands nervously. "That's fine if you have someone else you'd rather go with..." 

Snape found her nervousness repulsive, her shrill nasal voice made him want to vomit and her presence made him want to gouge out his eyes. He didn't want to confuse her by saying yes, if it turned out he really did have feelings for Lily. He pursed his lips. He then thought how much courage it must have took to approach him. He sighed. That only reminded him of Lily, it made his stomach do back flips. He never told Lily whether or not he had feelings for her. He knew Potter was too stubborn and too arrogant not to ask Lily.

He knew that Lily would get teased if she was seen anywhere alone with him. He shrugged. "I hadn't really thought about it." he said as he slumped back into his seat. 

Samantha frowned. "Is that a yes or a no then, Severus?"

She wanted more than anything for him to say yes, but knew he would say no. At least she'd asked. Now Sam knew she couldn't say she'd never tried. 

Severus glowered contemplatively into space. _When did I all of a sudden become this heart throb?_ He asked himself. He looked up at Samantha, appraisingly.

He wrinkled his nose a bit, "No." he replied, at that gathered his things and headed up to the boys dormitory. He dumped his school books onto his bed and then rummaged through his trunk to find another book.

Meanwhile, Lily went into the common room. Potter wasn't around so she snuck up to the girls dorm in order to keep from being harassed again today. She really wasn't in the mood for him. 

Snape found his book on Occlumency and plopped on his bed, pouring over it. He couldn't stand these feelings, he needed more discipline. He needed to be more controlled. He took a couple of deep breaths. 

Lily laid back on her bed. She should be studying... not sitting here obsessing over... over what? Snape? She grimaced. This was so against anything she would ever do. Severus Snape. Of all people. Why couldn't it be someone in her own house... like Potter even. At least maybe then he wouldn't take shots at her about it. Not that anyone knew. Maybe nobody would ever know. Maybe nothing would come from it.

Snape tried to discipline himself more, emptying his mind of all emotion, control his thoughts. But the more he tried the harder it became. He just became more and more conscious of heart beating faster, his hand trembling as he tried to hold the book. He glowered inwardly at his lack of control, closed the book and slammed it on his nightstand. 

He lay across the bed and hung his head over the end, feeling the rush of blood flow to his head. He closed his eyes. _Stupid Mudblood's got me all riled up and for what? How do I know this isn't some trick of Potter's. As if he would steep so low . . .But what if its not? Lily wouldn't really league with Potter anyways_ .

His thoughts rambled on as he slowly became dizzy from having his head hang off the end of his bed. 

Slamming her fist down on the bed beside her, Lily let out a long frustrated sigh. This was so wrong! Snape.. of all the boys in this school it had to be Severus effing Snape. She sat up just as the dinner bell tolled. A leaping in her heart matched it's ringing...

_Why? _She thought. _Why is it that my heart just did jumping jacks because of the dinner bell? Because the Slytherins would be there... and who is a Slytherin? This is nonsense! Complete and utter nonsense! He hates you!_ No matter how many times she reassured herself of that fact, it didn't stop her from hurrying down to the Great Hall. Too bad Potter was waiting for her on her way down.

James looked up and saw Lily entering the common room. "Lily, walk you to dinner?" he asked hopefully. 

Lily shook her head. "I've got to make a pit stop at the library. It could take a good fifteen minutes. Plus after quidditch practice today I bet you're hungry, Potter."

She came up with more excuses than was necessary, but she really didn't want Snape to see them together. Then he'd think this whole thing was just something to make fun of him with. That was the last thing she needed. 

Potter's smile drained. "Maybe next time then" he said not able to hide the disappointment from his voice. He nudged Sirius and Remus and made his way out the portrait hole. 

Lily took her time going down there so Potter wouldn't say she had been lying. She even went by the library, but didn't get anything. She couldn't even think of anything she wanted to read about, her mind was so muddled with other thoughts. Finally she went down to the Great Hall, staring right at the floor. She bumped into a couple people, but said she was sorry without even looking up at them. 

Severus slithered his way through the people, and eventually into the great hall, he sat down at an empty chair at the fast filling Slytherin table. He looked up at the Gryfindor table, James Potter, Sirius Black, Peter Pettigrew and Remus Lupin had taken seats right near his line of sight. _Where was Lily?_ He thought immediately, he figured Potter would have goaded her into coming down with him. 

Finally Lily made her way through the doors. She took a seat far from the marauders. Pulling out a book, she began to eat while she read. Her emerald eyes moved over the lines slowly. She hoped it wasn't too apparent she wasn't actually reading, but if she didn't she was afraid she would look at him. 

Snape served himself some food and tried to ignore the constant drone of his thoughts for there was now a new constant drone of all the students in the great hall talking.

Not being able to stand it any longer, Lily glanced up from her book and over at the Slytherin table. He looked as though he was in a sour mood. She chewed on the inside of her lip, and watched him. 

Snape glowered at his plate as he took in a spoonful of potatoes, they tasted bitter. He grimaced as he forced it down his throat. No one talked to him, he heard Sam giggling with her friends a couple chairs down. The sound of her voice nearly forced the potatoes he'd just swallowed back up. He reached quickly for his goblet and chugged it. He had his head held back, his Adam's apple bounced up and down as he swallowed the large gulps of water. 

Lily kept watching him. He looked almost like he was going to vomit. She quickly looked back down at her book. Her long red hair falling in her face. She tucked it behind her ears, and glanced up at him again over her book. Snape had drained the goblet and then set it down on the table. He looked up at the Gryffindor table. He saw a very familiar set of green eyes staring back at him, over a book. He raised his eyebrow at her.

Lily felt her chest rise, and she smiled lightly. Quickly making that smile a scowl, she couldn't keep the edges of her mouth from turning upward slightly. 

Severus kept staring at her. He didn't blink or make any emotional response, except when Sam let out a loud shrill giggle. He winced and then rolled his eyes. He cast a glowering glance toward Sam and then stabbed the carrots on his plate with his fork. He picked up his fork and looked at it oddly. It looked slightly overcooked. He peered past his carrot back at Lily. 

Lily chewed on her lip, and nearly burst out laughing at the wince from him. Sam was in her Charms class and was extremely annoying. She glanced down at her plate of untouched food, and back up at Severus. 

He looked at the carrot, nearly making himself look cross-eyed, he made a face of disgust, as if telling Lily they weren't worth eating and then he put his fork down and scraped the carrot off and picked up the chicken leg. He took a bite and was relieved that it did not taste bitter in his mouth. His stomach growled in anticipation of the yummy meat. 

Lily smiled, and took a bite of the mashed potatoes. They too were bitter. She put her hand over her mouth and reached for a glass of water frantically. Taking long sips, she washed it down, and made a relieved face. 

Severus smirked as Lily mimicked his behavior. He continued to eat his chicken leg, his mouth watered with gratitude. He looked back at Lily.

Lily met his gaze, and took another sip of her water. She mimicked him by picking up a carrot on her fork. She gazed at him for a second from behind the carrot, then took a bite out of it. Making a heaving sound, Lily spit it back onto her plate. 

Snape closed his eyes and shook his head, he looked up at Lily and smirked, but it could almost be mistaken for a smile. He took another bite of his chicken, cleaning the bone. He set the bone on his plate. 

Lily took another long drink of water. Crossing her legs, she looked back down at her book. This was too much for her. It was like they were having a conversation through looks or something. She glanced back up at him as she took a bite of chicken. 

Severus poked at his macaroni with his fork, with a look on his face like it was going to leap from his plate and attack him. He scooped it up on his fork and ate it. He chewed appraisingly and then nodded.

He cast a quick look to the marauders and then back at Lily, as if asking her why she wasn't sitting with them. She rolled her eyes in response. He should know that she wasn't friends with them. Only Remus, and even now she couldn't stand being under his gaze. She knew what he was thinking. He was thinking about her and Snape. He smirked in response. He wished that he could talk to her, he didn't know what he would say but he wished that he wasn't condemned to sit with the pureblood snobs of his house. He was a half-blood, but he didn't dare admit that to anyone. He got teased enough. 

Lily was thinking the same thing. Almost reading it in his eyes, she finished up the chicken and water, and got up. Giving him a fleeting look, she headed out of the great hall.

Snape watched as she left. He decided to wait a bit before he followed, so as not to arouse suspicion. A group of nearby Slytherins got up moments later, he got up with them, following close behind, so if James happened to look over, it would appear that he was with them. He got out side the great hall. 

Lily was leaning against the railing of the stairs, talking to a couple Ravenclaws. She caught his dark figure out of the corner of her eye, and headed farther up the stars and down the hall to the grand staircase. 

Snape contemplated whether or not to follow her. He stood in the shadows as several students made their way up the stairs. He weighed his alternatives. He could follow Lily, he could go back to the common room, or he could stick around and wait for the marauders to come out of the great hall.

He looked up the stairs. Lily had turned left toward the giant staircase which practically lead to anywhere and everywhere, depending on which way it was facing. He slowly made his way up the stairs. 

Lily was waiting for him on the second floor landing, but just looking like she'd dropped her things. Gathering them slowly, when she caught sight of him, she stepped into the second floor through it's entryway. She made sure that he saw her. Snape looked over and saw Lily picking up her things again. He meandered over to her, dragging his feet, making it almost seem to anyone who happened to walk by that he was going to just walk past her. He stopped just as he got to her, he bent low and picked up a quill. He stood up and twirled it between his fingers. 

Lily reached out to take it from him, trying not to smile largely. Why was it that now every time she looked at him, she wanted to smile? 

Snape looked up at her outstretched hand for a moment. He slowly stopped twirling the quill and gave it to her. She gave him a quick nod, and looked up the stairs at some first years coming down. Lily blinked, giving him a 'c'mon' look. She went into a corridor, and opened a door to a disused classroom. Stepping inside, she waited for him and sat on a desk. 

Snape followed. Some of the first years looked up at him as if he were some sort of freak show. He entered the classroom and slowly closed the door behind him. It looked like the Ancient Runes classroom.


	5. Anger and Angst

A beat of silence.

"I tried to tell you not to eat the carrots." Snape said randomly. He looked around the classroom, it had a banner of runes all the way around it. 

Lily laughed. "I was trying to make fun of you because you looked so funny telling me not to." She shook her head and put her quill back in her bag. "But I guess I should've taken your advice. They tasted like vomit."

Snape smirked. "Yeah I guess you should have, vomit is s'posed to come out of your mouth, not go in" he replied jokingly.

For some reason, when Lily made fun of him, it was okay. She did it playfully, she didn't rally up four of her friends, disarm him and gang up on him shooting hexes and jinxes on him, like _some_ people. Lily swung her legs below the desk, and looked down at the floor. "So... you followed me. Which must mean that you want to talk to me like I thought." She eyed him, wondering why exactly he had went after her. 

"Its about what you said, er, well, what you didn't say but kind of did." Snape stammered. He scratched his head nervously and looked to the floor. 

"What're you talking about?" She gave him a confused look and cocked her head to the side slightly. 

Snape put his hand on his face and dragged it down slowly. "Bloody Baron's Ghost." he muttered he turned around and pushed his face to the wall. She was going to make him say it. He couldn't say it . . .What if she forgot? Or worse what if she was just joking with him? Impossible, he immediately dismissed, otherwise why else did she get all smirky-smiley around him and what was that eye talk at dinner? He sighed. Deep down he heard his father's voice, _What are you some sort of coward? Open your mouth and talk, boy!_ He glowered at the memory and lifted his head, slowly he turned around and faced Lily. "The rain, in the rain you said ... or nodded, saying you had feelings for me." he drawled casually.

Lily looked up into his dark eyes, and blushed. "Yes... what about it?"

Her long red hair fell around her shoulders. She ran a hand through it. Looking at him, she would not let herself look away as much as she wanted to. She'd stopped swinging her legs, and just stared back into his eyes.

"It wasn't a joke, right?" He asked, not taking his eyes away from her. He had to know, he had to know before he even thought about allowing himself to get emotionally involved. He didn't want to be controlled around her. There was a bubbling cauldron of chaotic emotion brewing inside him when ever he was around her and he didn't want it to stop. 

Lily shook her head furiously. "No... I'm not this good of an actress."

She crossed her arms, trying to fight the urge to get up right that second and wrap her arms around him. Lily couldn't. She didn't want to freak him out more than she already had. Snape swallowed and sighed a soft sigh of relief. He didn't know what he would do if it had been. He rubbed the bridge of his hooked nose and started to pace, apparently deep in thought. He then stopped and turned to face her. He held her gaze for a moment and shook his head slowly.

"It would never work, you know" He said finally trying to see any way not to get involved with her, but at the same time almost testing her to see how far she was willing to go for him. 

Lily watched him pace, waiting for him to speak. When he finally did, it wasn't want he wanted to hear. His dark eyes were testing her almost. "Well... If this is about reputation, I don't care. But it is hard to do anything if people hate you... so as much as I hate to say this... nobody has to know."

Lily crossed her legs, still sitting on the desk. She couldn't bare to think what Potter would so to him if he found out. Snape cocked his head to the side a bit raising his eyebrow slightly. "You are suggesting" he drawled, "that we . . .where a certain kind of mask?" he asked.

"Mask? Well I was just going to say we don't show any affection in front of others..." Lily couldn't fight smiling anymore. "You _would _make things more complicated."

She laughed, and slipped off of the desk. She was still trying to keep from touching him, but having a hard time. 

"I don't mean to make things more complicated." Severus said defensively. He started to pace again. "It's the only thing that would suit, not showing affection wouldn't be enough."

"How so? Are you saying you couldn't not show affection or you don't think we could get away?" Lily eyed him, trying not to reach out for him. 

"No" he drawled. He eyed Lily suspiciously, "I'm saying you wouldn't be able to. You're too nice, Evans. Could you really resist being civil to me in front of _them_? In front of anyone? Do you realize what would happen if people start to talk? " 

"I've always been civil to you, Severus." She pursed her lips, hating how he still used her surname. "But I think the real problem is you being civil to me."

She took a step closer to him. "Is it really how I'll act that's bothering you or how you'll act?" 

Severus tensed up as Lily stepped closer to him. His breath became shallow for a moment, it sounded almost like he was hyperventilating. He took half a step back, and composed himself. "I know how to control my emotions, I will be fine." he said arrogance cutting through his voice.

The cauldron inside him bubbled more. He kept his gaze on her so as to help convince her that he could remain completely controlled, no matter the circumstances, although he really hoped she wouldn't come any closer, but something told him that she would. 

"I think you're having more trouble than you let on." Lily took a long step closer. She was only inches from him. Looking up into his dark eyes through her own emerald ones, Lily smiled up at him. "Aren't you?"

Her voice was almost a whisper. Her crimson red lips were put up into a smirk.

Severus gasped another hyperventilating breath. He swallowed as he managed to compose himself slightly. "What do you mean?" he asked, his voice a bit raspy. He held her gaze, his mouth open a bit. The cauldron inside of him was bubbling over. He wanted to step back, but he couldn't move. He could barely breathe. 

"I can tell by the look on your face." She said slowly, her voice still in a whisper. "You're loosing it. I'm making you loose it and you're confused."

Lily never felt like she had more power, and she wanted to keep it. Reaching up, she brushed the hair from his face again. This time she let her hand rest on his face. Severus trembled, he felt his skin grow hot where Lily's hand rested. He knew she was right. He was becoming intoxicated by her. Being so close to her, her kind green eyes boring into him, smelling her scent, her hand on his face, her skin was so soft. The fact that she was muggle born was the furthest thing from his mind. He closed his eyes and swallowed, attempting to compose himself again. He opened his eyes again. "Oh, is that so?" he asked in a calm and smooth voice, his dark eyes meeting hers once again. 

She laughed lightly. "Yes... yes it is."

Lily wanted to kiss him more than anything, but fought it. She couldn't... not yet. She wanted to see how deep his feelings really ran. "If it isn't true, then push me away, Severus." 

Snape was alarming aware of how close they were, he looked into her eyes. He didn't have the heart to push her away. When ever in his life would something like this ever happen. He was silent, staring into her eyes, but he didn't push her away. 

Lily chewed on her lip. "Thought so..."

She stepped back, and ran a hand through her red hair absentmindedly. "So... Since you don't think you can control yourself in public, what do you propose we do?" 

Severus gasped softly as if he'd been holding his breath. His head was flooding with the emotions he forbid himself to express, it hurt. He wanted to hold her hand, touch the soft curl of her red hair, kiss her, but he didn't dare. He felt an ambivalent surge of gratitude that she had stepped back. He looked contemplatively at the floor, he composed himself. "I never _said_ I couldn't control myself" he said in a defensive arrogant tone. 

"No, but you did show that you couldn't." Lily licked her lips. They were very dry. She wondered if the closeness had done something to her as well. Actually, she knew it had. The urge to touch him was more now. She crossed her arms in hopes of being able to keep them from going to his face again. 

Severus felt like his legs were going to go to jelly, he pulled out a chair and sat down. He faced Lily. "What does this mean?" he asked his voice trembling slightly with vulnerability. 

"What does what mean?" She raised an eyebrow at him, not sure what he meant. Her emerald eyes giving him the once over before staring down at the floor. 

Snape shook his head, feeling surges of regret for letting his guard down around her. He stood up quickly. "Nothing, I meant nothing" he said as he attempted to compose himself again, he headed toward the door. 

Lily frowned and looked at the ground. "Leave then... Sorry I told you anything."

She grabbed her bag from the desk, and slung it over her shoulder. Anger welled inside of her. How could he want to just storm out after that moment? He couldn't face her, he could barely admit to himself that he had deep feelings for her. He knew she was angry with him, but he was used to that. He stopped at the door. "You're not sorry" he said simply. 

"No. I'm not." She said slowly, only steps behind him. "Just go. You can't stand to be in my presence."

Lily's voice was firm, but he thought he heard a crack in it. She crossed her arms, waiting for him to go. 

Severus turned slowly around. She was behind him again. "You seem to think you know an awful lot about what goes on in my head." he stated.

The tables had turned. He had the power now. He looked at her for a moment. "If you really want me to go, say it again and I'll leave" he said firmly, using her own tactics against her to see her reaction. 

Lily shook her head. "We don't have to play this game.. we don't have to play any game. I don't want you to leave. I want to sit here in this room with you for the rest of eternity, but you and I both know that that won't happen. You're going to leave. You're too confused. I'm just a mudblood, remember?" 

This time Severus winced at the word, instantly reminded of his own impure bloodline. He glowered contemplatively at the floor for a moment. "You're right" he said softly. He looked up at Lily. "You're always right, Evans. " he said with that he left storming away to the Dungeons.

Lily felt tears rising into her eyes as she stormed out of the old ancient runes classroom. Her bright green eyes sparkling with the tears. No matter how much she refused to shed them, they just kept coming. Making her way up to the Gryffindor Common Room, Lily hurried in, hoping not to run into anybody. 

"Pureblood." He muttered and the gargoyle moved out of the way. 

Snape stormed broodily up to the dormitory. He plopped face down on his bed, his breath hyperventilating again. "Stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid!" He muttered repetitively to himself. He wanted to scream. He was sick of bottling his emotions, as if they were potions to be put on a shelf and opened when he wanted to use them. He felt himself trembling. 

Lily took a quick look around the common room to make sure nobody was there before she went up to the girl's dorm. Tears were now running freely down her cheeks. Lily Evans did not cry. So why was she crying now? Could it be because she actually did have feelings for him? She wouldn't cry over anybody but him. Pulling her knees up to her chest, Lily sobbed into them. 

Severus kept reliving that moment over and over in his head. She read him so well, how was that? He's always prided himself in being so unreadable, he didn't mind that people saw him as some slime ball, and teased him, because he knew that he was more than that. He felt bile creep up his throat. He coughed as the overwhelming feeling of self-disgust filled his insides like some disgusting vapor, from the cauldron inside him that now sizzled and smoked now that Lily was no where near him, like he had made a tremendous mistake. He bolted for the boys lavatory. 

Lily felt like there was something stuck in her throat. It was the kind of crying that hurt because there was so much force behind it. It was like the tears were all trying to come out at once. Her throat felt like it was closing up. She took big gasps of air, and gripped her legs tighter to her chest. Lily cried until she fell asleep on her bed, falling limply on the sheets. She had kept sobbing until they were just dry. No tears behind them. All spent. She'd fallen asleep thinking of him. Not angry at all. 

Snape retched hot air into the toilet, as if trying to expel the vapors from his body. He was trembling, and felt feverish, his head throbbed with pain. He slumped on the floor and leaned his head back against the stall wall. His eyes stung with tears that he didn't dare let loose.

"Stupid Snivellus, the git, the slime ball, the mudblood-hater," he hissed to himself in a fit of bitter self-hate. He bit his lip against the words that he fought not to say, the words that roared inside his skull in a thunderous rage, _Severus the half-blood_ it said in a mocking tone. Severus made his way back to his bed. He kicked off his shoes and crawled into bed, letting his angry ranting nurse him to an uneasy sleep. The thought of Lily haunted his dreams. 


	6. Dreams of Drowning

_ ((A/N: Alright. This story, as I said, was started before DH so I decided to go on with it even though the information introduced changed it. The story is also going the exact same way that the the actual series went. This will be important later. So Lily does end up with James. Just so this is understood. hugs everyone))_

Snape saw himself inside a cauldron drowning. He could barely keep his head above the bubbling liquid. He peered over and he saw Lily standing in the Ancient Runes classroom, she was holding a carrot on a fork mimicking his look of disgust.

His head sank for a moment sublevel, he gargled the liquids, struggling for breath. His head shot up from the cauldron and he was suddenly very small and Lily was very big. She held the ladle, looming over him.

"You filthy little mudblood." As she said that she morphed into himself.

He was glowering down at himself. The giant size him took the ladle out of the liquid, disturbing the bubbles, causing him to sink sublevel again. He gasped as his head shot back above the liquid. He looked up and the giant size of him, raised the ladle and he morphed into his father, that sneering lip-curling look on his face as he lowered the ladle and everything went black.

Severus shot up from his bed with a start causing him to fall off and he plopped with a thud onto the floor.

Snape peeled himself off the floor with a soft moan of pain. The sharp images of his dream flashed and cut through his mind like a knife through hot butter. He shook his head so as to dissolve the images. He rubbed the sleep out of his eye, forbidden tears that had welled up just before he went to sleep had dried making some sort of web with his lashes.

He blinked a couple of times and then looked around the dormitory, the other beds were empty. Dread surged through him, he was late. He scrambled out of the dormitory grabbing his bag and made his way to the great hall for breakfast.

Snape tried to sneak into the great hall, the food had already been served. He felt his stomach sink to his feet. The only open seat was next to Sam. He sighed as he sat down next to her.  
_  
As if this day could get any worse_, he thought to himself.

Lily made her way down to the great hall and noticed that Snape wasn't there. She didn't know why she was so intent on seeing him. Hadn't he told her she was just a filthy mudblood? It was the truth, she supposed. And he really didn't have feelings for her either... That was the hardest part. She sat down at the end of the Gryffindor table, and began to eat slowly, though it felt like she was already full.

She saw a dark figure scrambling to a seat. She glanced up at him, just to make sure it was him, then back down at her book. Lily wasn't going to give him the satisfaction of her even noticing his existence. Then her face fell. She was his potions partner... they had double potions today. She couldn't handle it... maybe she should go crawl right back into bed now.

Then she realized she couldn't give him the satisfaction of that either. Or let Slughorn down. You were also put with a partner according to your attendance. She couldn't do that. Running a frustrated hand through her hair, Lily sighed. Today was not going to be a good day.

Sam grinned at Severus. "Good morning, Severus! How are you this grand morning?"

Snape smiled weakly to Sam. He got a bowl of porridge. He took in multiple spoonfuls, so as he didn't have to reply to Sam. On any other day the porridge would have tasted delicious, but not today. It was as if he had shoveled sand in his mouth. He forced himself to swallow it.

He looked up at Lily, she was looking at him over a book again. He tensed up at the sight of her, looking away. Flashes of his dream slicing through him. He reached for his goblet and took a sip, but it too tasted bitter.

Lily saw his glance, but kept watching him. So apparently he was feeling bad about it... that's what it seemed like to her anyway. The quick look away. But she couldn't be sure. She thought she knew and understood what he was thinking, but not as much now. He didn't care about her... so why was she even giving him the gratitude of paying him any mind.

He set the goblet on the table. He glowered into his porridge. Anger brewing inside him. He was mad at himself for not being able to stop thinking of the dream, for even having the dream in the first place. If he had even an ounce of the mental control he thought he had . . .

Snape was lost in his thoughts, the instability of his emotions triggered his magic. He sat glowering into a now bubbling bowl of porridge.

Sam raised an eyebrow. He must have been really angry to make the porridge boil like that. She decided not to talk to him... she didn't want that taken out on her.

Lily, in the meanwhile, was watching him. The porridge bubbling made her want to get up and sooth him, but she stayed perfectly still. She couldn't get up. If she did several things would happen.

First, Severus could call her a nasty name again, and tell her how much he hated her. Which would send her into tears again.

Or second, everyone would find out about her feelings.

Some of his porridge splashed onto his hand . He was ripped from his stupor and looked at his bowl, it was simmering down but he could tell that it had been bubbling previously. An expression of shock wiped over his face. _Oh this is pathetic, just pathetic,_ he thought to himself. She had completely unwound him, deliberately dismantled him.

It had to be some trick. He decided. She was in league with him. They wanted to weaken him so he would be easier to tease and bully. Sure she acted like she was _all of a sudden_ in love with him, but really she was Potter's little house elf.

Lily watched him intently, just looking at the lines of his nose and cheeks. She wanted to go over to him. To just get closer. Maybe not even touch him. Just talk. See if what he said last night was true. It suddenly didn't matter. Getting up, Lily started to walk over to the Slytherin table, but caught herself, and headed toward the door. That's when she ran smack into Potter. "Oh... I'm sorry..." She said in a daze and reached down to pick up her things that were now all over the floor.

James bent to help her pick up her things. "A lot on your mind?" he asked as he handed her a _quill _she dropped.

Severus looked and saw that Lily had left. He got up and went to the door, taking long strides. He stopped when he saw Potter helping Lily pick up her things. James was extending a quill to Lily. Severus felt like he was going to explode into confetti. That confirmed it. She _was_ in league with him. He just _knew _it.

Lily took it, and nodded. "Yeah. Sorry about that, Potter."

She shoved all of her things in her bag. With puffy eyes, Lily went down to potions class to drop off her things. She hadn't noticed Severus, and could only hope that James hadn't noticed her obvious emotional instability.

Severus knew that there was no way he would make it past Potter without some sort of snide remark or being hexed, but come to think of it. It was just Potter. He didn't have his cronies to help him out. He made his way past him and headed in the same direction as Lily to Potions.

Lily heard footsteps behind her and glanced over her shoulder. She sighed. Snape. What was she supposed to say to him? Frowning, she turned back around. Maybe nothing was best. If he wanted to talk, he'd say something to her.

Snape took a detour into the boys lavatory. He splashed water on his face and then looked up at his scowling adolescent face, his greasy black hair, his dark eyes and hooked nose. He saw a flash of his father staring back at him. The sandy porridge in his stomach lurched. He bolted for the stall. Snape soon flushed the toilet and exited the stall. He went to the sink and rinsed his mouth out. He stared at himself in the mirror. "Get a hold of yourself, Severus" he hissed at himself, "Its only a dream, its only a mud-" the word stung his lips, he couldn't finish saying it. He just looked away from the mirror. "blood" he finished. He stormed out of the lavatory and headed toward Potions.

Lily chewed on the inside of her lip when she realized he was no longer behind her. She sighed. Lily had half wanted him to talk to her. She wanted to be sure that what he'd said was wrong. Well really what she'd said. Her green eyes began filling up with tears again, but she bit them back with all of her strength as she stepped into potions class. She was very early. Sitting her bag down on the table, she began to fix the things inside. Everything was so askew. Once she finally got it in order, she put it beside her chair. She pulled out a book to read in hopes of just getting to think. Opening it to the potion they would be working on today. She read over the instructions without taking a word in. Could he have meant it? She didn't know if she could take it if he had.

Snape opened the door of the Potions classroom, he stormed in, his robes billowing dramatically behind him. He dropped his bag on the floor as he sat down next to Lily. Not saying a word.

Lily stiffened, but didn't look up. Her green eyes moving over the page, trying to make it look like she was actually reading. Slughorn had just left the room. She want to say something... anything... to make him even acknowledge her existence.

After a moment, Severus took out his tattered potions book, he flipped quickly through the pages. The swift movement of the paper cut through the still, uneasy silence. He finally arrived at the page. He leaned back in his seat looking over the potion, wondering who would be first to speak. He was the guy so she was probably waiting for him to say something. But then again she had just automatically assumed that she knew what he was thinking. And on the other hand he had left her in that runes classroom.

The classroom was empty. It wouldn't be empty for long and then they would be forced into the silence they now sat in. _Say something! _A voice inside him urged. _Anything! _

He looked up from the book and stared at her. He could tell she wasn't really reading it. He'd watched her enough to know the look on her face that she got when she was reading something.

"Do you want to stir or chop " he asked randomly.

Lily looked up at him, when the words finally registered in her mind. She frowned. "Uhm... I think you're better at stirring, but I'm okay to do either."

Her voice sounded dead, not at all her. She crossed her legs, and put her head in her hands, pretending to go back to reading. She wondered if she ever would be able to concentrate on anything ever again. She wanted to say more. To ask him if he meant what he'd agreed to last night. Her emerald eyes didn't move on the page. It was just a place to look. Anywhere but at him. The gentle curves of his face were more than she could take right now. Lily did not need these tears that were trying to force their way out to make it out now.

Snape pursed his lips. He took another look at his potion and then at her. "I guess I'll stir then" he said blankly.

He didn't know what to do. He hated himself more for walking out on her last night. She sounded like her night was as eventful as his. He placed the book on the desk with a thunk. He rummaged through his bag. He kicked it hissing a curse to himself under his breath.

He turned to Lily. He sighed. "Evans."

"Yes?" Lily looked up at him, doing her best not to look excited that he was actually talking to her. Her eyes sparkled with anticipation. _Watch..._ She thought to herself. _It's going to be something stupid like "Can I borrow your inkwell?" or "What do you think about the Chuddly Cannons this year?"_ She looked him over. There was the face she'd wanted to be this close to again since he'd walked out last night... no before that... since she'd stepped away from him.

The question suddenly seemed irrelevant, insignificant, unimportant. He felt his stomach do gymnastics as he met her eyes, but he didn't let on. Now was not the place, nor the time to bring up . . . _Runes_ . . .

"Do you think we could swap? I didn't bring my ladle" he said casually as if he didn't know that _Runes_ was the only thing on both their minds, but they both were waiting for the other to bring it up first.

Lily snorted. "Right. Well that's fine. I can stir."

Just as she had suspected. He wasn't going to bring it up. The only question she had in her mind was... was it the best idea to bring it up now? Would she be emotionally unstable for the rest of class? Not to mention they had _double_ potions today. Lily sighed. She couldn't take it any longer. "About what you said in the ancient runes class..."

Snape tensed up. "Yeah, what about it?" he drawled.

Bloody Baron's Ghost! She'd brought it up! Should have known, should have known she would be so weak-willed. This was all apart of her trick, she was trying to weaken him for Potter's bullying, well it wasn't going to work. He wouldn't let her. No No No NO NO!!

"Did you mean it?" That was all Lily said. Her voice was hard and unwavering. She crossed her legs, and stared down at the table. Lily looked up at him, wanting to see the exact expression on his face when he said it. Oddly there were no tears. Just an anger that she couldn't feed. If he said what she thought he would, Lily had no idea what she would do.

Snape immediately felt weakened by her gaze. "It was what you wanted to hear, wasn't it? " he said before he could stop himself. He pursed his lips and flicked a dead lacewing fly that lay left over on their desk, across the room.

_Severus stop it! You are NOT discussing this with her, not here, not now. You know what she's doing, she's using you, she's working with Potter remember? Stay strong, man, don't fall for it _sang his thoughts.

"No. It wasn't. What I want is completely irrational. Apparently you either don't believe me or don't care, but I just need to know where you stand so I can work on making things better." Her emerald eyes seemed darker. More sinister, perhaps. Or perhaps more elegant. She crossed her legs, and ran a hand through her long red hair. "We have the rest of the year to suffer each other's presences, if you'd like to put it that way. I'd like to be able to stand next to you and work on a potion without wondering if you're looking at me.. or if you're thinking about me. All you have to say is you feel the same way as I do or you don't. Though I can hardly understand if you say no... Just last night weren't we plotting for a way to be together?"

Snape took a breath as if he were about to answer, but he turned and saw the door open, students were pouring in, Including James and his friends. He pursed his lips and glowered at Potter and Black, but turned away when he saw Lupin. He looked at Lily, surely she knew that he couldn't answer now . . .

Lily nodded, and whispered. "This doesn't put you off the hook."

It was almost like she was scolding him. Her gaze now turned to their instructions that were written on the board. She copied them down even though they were already in her book. Lily needed something to occupy her time until Slughorn got back and they could get their ingredients.

Snape rolled his eyes. He opened his book to the page again. Verisatum. Splendid, he thought. He looked at the list of ingredients and the notes he made in the margins. This was going to be an eventful class. He looked over at Lily, why was she writing it down? It was already in her book. He shrugged, Odds are _she_ didn't even know the reason why.

Her skin chilled as she remembered the potion for today. Maybe if she did take some, then Severus would be able to know exactly how she felt. Perhaps it could be a good thing... But would he actually try that? Maybe she could pocket some and suggest it. Was he really that desperate? She knew she was.

Slughorn entered the room and spread the supplies on the table. Severus got up along with several others to get the supplies. He couldn't help but wonder if Lily would try to sneak some of this into his drink? All his defenses would be down, she could ask him whatever she wanted to! But . . . if the potion wasn't brewed correctly . . . she wouldn't be able to use it on him, unless she intended to poison him. He returned to his seat with the supplies.

Lily watched him get up and get the ingredients. She twirled her quill thoughtfully, her eyes distant. She'd have to nab some with an extra vial... where could she get one of those though? She'd have to watch out for ingredient vials, she supposed. The ground bat skulls looked good enough for this exchange. Just a good enough dose for one.

Slughorn came by their desk, and smiled. "And how are my two prized students this glorious morning?"

Snape nodded tersely to Slughorn, saying nothing, as if he ever did. He pretended to be in a contemplative trance as he sorted through the ingredients.

He felt almost certain that Lily was going to store a bit of this potion for herself to use on him later. He would have to find away to slyly mess it up, so as not to disappoint Slughorn nor alert Lily that he was onto her. It had to look perfect, but not be. He looked at the vial of hippogriff saliva. It was the most volatile ingredient there, if tampered with . . .it would throw off the entire chemistry of the potion . . .

"Just wonderful, Professor. How are you?" Lily asked, her bright eyes on him.

Slughorn gave her a cheery look. "I am amazing seeing as how I have you two first thing this morning."

Lily let out an over the top laugh. "Well it should be balanced out by Potter and Black. How are they doing in remedial potions?"

"Oh. They're doing better." Slughorn gave her a smile, and moved on.

Lily saw Snape looking at the hippogriff saliva. She frowned. He was planning on messing with the potion wasn't he? But why? Seems like he'd want to get the truth out of her... unless he thought she was going to use it on him. Lily looked around. Nobody was paying them any mind, all too focused on their potions. Even Potter and Black. She reached over and took it from his grasp. Lily whispered quietly. "I know what you're thinking, Severus. Don't do it. He'll test it, and we'll fail. Not only that you could use it on me."

Severus stared at his hands for a moment, as if he was still holding the potion. He turned slowly to face her at her words, he furrowed his brow, slightly confused.

_What?! She wasn't planning on using it on me?_ He thought, but then it occurred to him. _This is some trick, she is trying to talk me out of it. Why would she want me to know about her plans with Potter, is she mental?!_ He took the bottle back from her.

"Don't do what?" he asked smoothly, not letting on that he had heard anything else she said. He went back to organizing the supplies, putting them in order that they were to go in.

"Stir the water before I add the skulls" He said as he opened the vial. He took a pinch and sniffed them and then rubbed the powder between his fingers appraisingly. Lily stood up, and began to stir the potion with her ladle, an angry look on her face. Why did he think they had to play these games? She stirred in a counter-clockwise fashion as instructed to do in the first step after the skulls were added.

"You know what I'm talking about." Lily's voice had a warning tone to it.

Snape looked up at her stirring. "Stir it the opposite direction, it goes smoother." He instructed, ignoring her warning. He had never seen her so angry before. It was a bit unnerving but not unbearable, if she kept at this she may just ruin the potion herself, without his help.

"This is why I'd rather have you stirring." She mumbled more to herself than him. Lily did as he said, anger flaring in her eyes. He'd completely ignored her.

"Well seeming as I forgot my ladle . . ." he muttered back "Besides, you could use the practice" he added.

He waited until she had stirred a few more times before he added the skulls in the water in pinches. "Not so fast, Evans, or you'll spill." he said admonishingly again.

"Right." Lily watched the potion intently so she didn't have to watch him. Her emerald eyes were fixed on the liquid. It was hard not to stir fast with all of the built up anger welling inside of her.

James, who had been going to get an ingredient Sirius forgot, heard Snape call Lily 'Evans.' He eyed Snape. "Since when have you stopped calling her mudblood, Snivellus?"

Potter's hazel eyes were questioning.


	7. Lurking Lily

Snape glared at Potter, but before he could retort, Slughorn shoved the vial of Bubotuber pus at Potter, "If I were you, Potter, I would be more worried about your fast failing marks in my course than how _Severus_ treats his lab partner." He said as he gave him a look of warning.

"Right, Professor." James took the vial, and gave Severus an angry look. Lily didn't look up at him. She just continued stirring. Her face was blank, and unmoving. Even Slughorn seemed to notice her odd expression. Snape couldn't help but feel a surge of gratitude toward Slughorn as he continued to glare at Potter while he returned to his seat. He turned his attention to the bubbling cauldron, it was almost time to add, according to the book, the pus and the skulls, but Severus knew it was important to add them together, not one after another, he opened both and slowly poured them in simultaneously. The potion let out a hiss. 

Lily stirred unfazed by the potion's loud hiss. Her mind was somewhere else completely. Snapping back to reality, she read to stir in a counterclockwise position. Sighing, she did as instructed, and fell back into a glazed over look, staring at the instructions in the book. 

Severus watched as Lily stirred. He needed to wait until the potion reached a certain consistency before he added the saliva. If he added it too soon or too late, the potion would be ruined. He saw how glazed over Lily looked. She wasn't even paying attention. He could do it . . . and she wouldn't even notice . . . 

Chewing on the inside of her mouth, Lily watched the bubbling cauldron like a zombie. Being in lala land was better than thinking about everything that had happened yesterday. She realized that she couldn't keep going like this, just slipping off into nothingness to momentarily keep the pain away, but it felt good now. Better than what her conscious mind led her to. But even her subconscious kept trying to slip into thoughts of him. So she was somewhere in between. Her consciousness slipping in thoughts of others when they began to return to Severus. Which was often because he was standing right next to her. 

Severus added the saliva to the potion and it started to bubble faster. He watched as Lily continued to daze off into space. He waved his hand in front of her. "You need to stir in the opposite direction now, very, very slowly." he instructed. 

She shook her head. "Sorry..."

Doing as he told her, Lily knew that her zombie-state wouldn't do good for long. Especially not now when she was in a class where she actually had to pay attention. Severus shook his head at her as he prepared the last two ingredients eye of newt and the owlet feathers. He took the eye out of the jar. He looked at it with morbid fascination before he squeezed it into the cauldron and then let the eye itself drop delicately into the cauldron.

Slowly the potion was turning remarkably colorless and odorless. He twirled the feather between his fingers while he looked at the potion waiting for it to be just the right consistency and for the bubbles to simmer before adding the feather and then the magic of the potion was complete. It simmered still once the feather was added, except for the minor ripples made by Lily's stirring.

Staring into the contents, she heard Slughorn pattering up to them. "Good job you two! Perfect marks again! Clean out your cauldron, and put your extra ingredients away."

Lily sat down with a plop, not even bothering to gather any of the potion as she'd first intended. He'd just think she was going to use it on him or some idiotic thing. Lily crossed her arms, and stared at her legs. Severus folded his arms and looked at her with his scowling dark eyes accented by his greasy hair that made his sallow face look thinner than it was.

"Aren't you going to help?" He spat at her, mostly because Potter, the nosy git, might be listening. If he was in any way nice to her . . . 

"Yeah... I'll get the ingredients." Lily began to gather the ingredients. Her crimson hair falling in her eyes. She reached across to grab the vial of bat eyes at the same time Severus reached for the ladle to clean it. Their hands bumped. Lily's eyes widened. "Sorry." 

Severus got chills down his spine at Lily's touch, his stomach flopped around like a fish out of water, but he didn't let on. He held his glowering, sour scowl on his face while he cleaned the ladle and the cauldron, without taking a vial for himself. He set the ladle back on Lily's side of the desk and sat down in his chair, putting his book back in his bag.

As she hurried away she couldn't get the thought of his cool skin against the warm backside of her hand out of her head. She hurried past James and Sirius' desk. James raised an eyebrow as he watched her hurry off. "Does she seem... upset to you or something?" 

"More like out of it." Sirius answered. "She probably stayed up too late studying or something."

Lily came back over to the desk a bit later, and shoved her book and ladle in her bag. She pulled out a library book over dark witches wizards. She'd heard good things about it from the Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher. She began to read about Morgan le Fey, her bright green eyes moving over the page quickly. 

Severus sat slumping in his chair glowering at the floor, waiting for class to be dismissed. He was sick of being in this stuffy dungeon. He didn't want to be so near Lily and Potter all at once. It was as if he didn't know who to be, what to say, how to act. He pursed his lips in subdued fury. Outwardly he didn't look any less brooding than normal but inwardly he was screaming, throwing the bottled potions shelved inside of him all over the place. 

Crossing her legs, Lily began to twirl a single strand of hair on her index finger without thinking. James was turned around his chair watching her. "Look at her Padfoot... she's like an angel."

His voice was just loud enough for Snape to hear. It wasn't that he was trying to make the sour boy hear his words, but he just said it a bit too loud.

Sirius rolled his eyes. "Yeah yeah.. angel, Prongs."

He didn't mean for it to happen, it just did. No one knew it was him, no one even thought to blame him, but Severus knew that he did it. When James spoke about Lily being all angelic, something inside of him flared, triggering his magic. James and Sirius' cauldron fell to the floor, spilling all over anyone in the vicinity. 

Lily gasped and jumped as it hit the ground. Startled, she gave the boys an incredulous look. James stood up, covered in their botched potion. "Why'd you knock it over, Sirius!?"

"I didn't! You did!" Sirius accused.

"You know I didn't! I was turned the other direction!" James argued. "You had to have done it."

Lily looked at Severus as everyone was scrambling to clean it up. "You did it, didn't you?" Her voice was a whisper, barely audible to him over the scrambling and yelling of students. Severus looked up at boys as they fought. His face remained in his sour scowl, he smirked inwardly. He glanced slightly at Lily when she accused him of knocking the cauldron, but said nothing but looked back at James and Sirius as they continued to argue who knocked it over. 

Shaking her head, Lily chuckled. James shot her a glance to see her reaction. "Great, Padfoot. Bloody great. Now she thinks I'm a complete git."

"As if she didn't before, Prongs." Sirius laughed. Slughorn flicked his wand in the general direction of the students, and the cauldron went back up on the table and the students were clear of any sort of potion on their clothing. The bell then rang. Putting the book of dark witches and wizards away, Lily stood up. After straightening her clothes, she headed out the door to charms.

Severus slowly got up and walked broodily, dragging his feet, glowering at the floor, out of potions. He couldn't help but smile inwardly. He loved being a wizard, he didn't have to do anything but get upset enough to trigger his magic and things would happen by themselves. 

Severus entered the DADA classroom and took his seat. He dropped his bag on the floor and took out his wand from his robes, tapping it boredly on the table as he leaned on his other hand kickstand style.

He still couldn't believe he knocked Potter's cauldron over and Lily laughed. What did this mean? That he did have feelings for her? I mean she was some evil villain in his dreams, but in real life she's really sweet and caring, but could be really venomous if she was vexed enough.

And that night in the Runes classroom, she read him so, so, well. He wished he had kissed her, but then quickly shook the thought out of his head, knowing that if he did kiss her, things would be WAY more complicated.

Lily took her seat in charms, hoping Potter would find a different place to sit rather than his usual one, right behind her. She was NOT in the mood to deal with him today. Nor anyone, actually. Even her desk partner, Madeline was going to annoy her most likely. This she could tell by the sour look Lily got on her face when the girl to her seat. 

Madeline smiled at Lily. "Something wrong? You look like Snivellus with that look on your face."

"Yeah... I'm not in the best mood." Her tone was warning enough to the girl that if annoyed, she would burst. Lily bit her tongue. She didn't want to yell at the girl for calling him that especially since Potter was coming in. She only read her book to look busy, in hopes that James would see that and not talk to her. James entered the charms classroom after that humiliating fiasco in Potions. He saw Lily and half wanted to turn around and walk back out. How could he face her? She was one of the best in the year in Potions… well in everything, and he had made a complete git of himself in front of her. 

Noticing him stop, Lily sighed. Apparently she had affected him with that more than she'd thought. Thinking about it, her first reaction was to look up at him and smile, but then would he get the wrong idea? Oh well... her conscience couldn't take it anymore. Glancing up at him, Lily gave him a sweet smile, in hopes of a silent apology, but no conversation. Though she knew that was impossible. 

James' eyes widened with shock as Lily smiled at him. He smiled lightly but uncertainly back and tussled his hair as he walked over and took his seat behind her.

"It was really stupid, in Potions, all Sirius' fault really, I tried to you know stop it but it was too late." James said in an arrogant round about way of 'apologizing' though it sounded more like an explanation and a vain attempt to prove to her that he wasn't the brainless git he thought she thought he was. 

"No explanation needed, Potter." Lily said finally, trying to fight the conversation she knew was coming, but trying not to hurt his feelings. A headache began to build behind her eyes. 

"Right." Potter said looking semi-embarrassed. She thought him a git anyway, so his words were useless. "Hey, I was thinking" James started after a beat. "Since you're so brilliant in potions, maybe you could be my tutor?" he asked looking at her hopefully. "It would be purely academic, nothing fancy, " James added quickly and then waited on bated breath for her reaction, reply, hoping against all hope that she wouldn't turn him down again. He just wanted to spend time alone with her, be in her prescence, maybe then she'll see he's not so bad . . . 

Lily thought about it for a second. Her green eyes narrowed. Severus had been quite rude, and his reaction to Potter's words told her that he completely hated the thought of James being with her. This was good... very good. She could use this to her advantage.

"Alright, Potter... I'll tutor you." She thought for a second. "Let me ask Slughorn when we can use his classroom, and then I'll tell you when we can." 

James was taken aback, shocked really that she had said yes. He had asked on a lark, reading himself for disappointment, "You will?" he asked shocked at first, "I mean, you will!" he said happily, "Brilliant!" he leaned back in his chair smiling widely. 

The rest of the class went as Charms class usually did. Lily finished early and read. But half way through the rest of the class Lily found herself feeling bad for saying yes to Potter. Severus would be furious... Once the bell rang, Lily went to lunch. Taking the seat she'd had yesterday, she sat her things down, and began to pick at some potatoes. She really lost all her appetite thinking about tutoring Potter. 

Severus walked broodily toward the Great Hall. His mind was swarming with ambivalent emotions, thoughts of Lily, the dream, he felt suddenly nauseated knowing he would have to talk to her eventually about what happened in Ancient Runes. He took a seat, unintentionally right in front of Lily's line of vision. He was mainly trying to sit as far away from Sam's shrill laughter as possible.

He looked at the corned beef sandwiches and picked up on to put on his plate. He nibbled it. His stomach growled hungrily for more, his mouth watered gratefully, but he felt hollow, like he wasn't hungry, like he didn't feel like eating.

Lily saw the familiar figure take a seat. She sighed, wanting to go to him right now, but she knew she couldn't. Pulling out her book, she began to read. She was only on the last chapter, but she knew she couldn't demand any more focus from her brain today. Nibbling at the potatoes she'd put on her plate, Lily did her best not to look at Snape.

Snape ate his sandwiches to get his mouth and stomach to stop whining but the he leaned his head in his hand, kickstand style, bored but full of thought. He sipped his pumpkin juice, he found it alarmingly refreshing. He quickly downed the goblet refilling it a couple of times afterward, he felt as if he hadn't drunk anything for days. When he was filling up his goblet for the fourth time he looked up and saw Lily pretending to read again. He smirked and continued to pour his juice. 

Feeling the gaze, Lily glanced up at Severus. She couldn't hide a sad hint from her eyes, but did her best. Pushing her hair from her eyes, she fiddled with the pages of the book. Lily looked down the table, and saw the marauders. Remus was just eating. Sirius was making a volcano out of his mashed potatoes, Peter was nowhere to be seen, and James was staring at her. Deciding it wasn't a good place to hint meaning behind her gaze at Severus, she turned back to her book. 

Severus followed her gaze to the Marauders. He shook his head at Sirius' volcano and saw that James was gawking at Lily. Not that it surprised him. He looked back at Lily, she pretended to read. He decided to finish as soon as possible and get outside. 

She could still feel James' hot gaze on her. Getting up, Lily made her way to the doors. She didn't want to be in his presence anymore. Lily knew what Snape suspected. 

Soon those four goblets of pumpkin juice kicked in. Severus couldn't eat anymore, he figured he would just head out to the lake after he stopped by the boys lavatory. He gathered his bag and left the Great Hall. 

Lily was leaning against the wall outside the doors. She smiled gently at him as he came out of the Great Hall, thinking he had followed her. The deserted Entrance Hall held no eyes to watch them. 

Severus looked up and saw Lily standing against the wall. He stopped in his tracks and just stared at her, smiling at him, he couldn't deny, James had a point, she did look angelic….

"What? Have I got something on my face?" She asked, looking slightly confused. Lily crossed her arms, and pushed off of the wall. "I just wanted Potter to stop staring... it's so annoying." 

Snape rolled his eyes. "I'd have thought you'd be used to it by now." He drawled. He resumed walking down the hall, remembering that he was in desperate need of a toilet . 

"Meet me in the old ancient runes room after dinner... if you would." Her voice was just loud enough so he could hear it. Lily didn't want to force him to go. Severus never reacted well to demanding. Sighing, she decided to go to Astronomy early today. It was better than having to have Potter stare at her as a constant reminder of her tutoring sessions. 

Severus heard Lily's words just before he turned the corner and headed to the lavatory.

He had one more class until he had his free period. He didn't want to go to class just yet. It was not exactly fun sitting in the Herbology greenhouse before you had to. It was humid and uncomfortable.

Snape finished in the bathroom and went out and sat by the lake until class started. 

The rest of Lily's day passed like molasses. Cursing herself for cramming classes into her 6th year, Lily trudged into the Great Hall. Dinner would be just as slow. Lily crossed her legs, and ate a couple bites of chicken, waiting for Severus to arrive. 

Severus slithered into the great hall. He had the look like he just woke up from a long nap. Herbology hadn't been that exciting. He had another disturbing dream about Lily again. He wasn't exactly in the best of spirits. He sat down, a couple seats down, Sam gave a shrill laugh. Snape winced as he served himself some meatloaf. 

Lily gave herself a satisfied nod when she saw him come in. So far so good... Now if he would just go after her when she left. Not yet though. She'd only just got here. Plus, he needed a chance to eat. He looked half starved. _There you go again, Lily..._ She thought again. _Caring about him... he probably hates you._

Snape put his hands on his temples and massaged them as if trying to get the dream out of his head, his eyes rolled back in his head slightly as he let out a sigh. _She's driving me mad! Its like I can't escape her, everywhere I go, there she is, even in my dreams_

He blinked a couple of times and then leaned kickstand style on the table and prodded his meatloaf with his fork appraisingly. 

Taking another bite of chicken, Lily wiped her mouth with her napkin. She was tired of just sitting there. She got up, and hurried to the Ancient Runes class. Part of it was just to remember... make sure it wasn't all a dream. Some sick and twisted figment of her overactive imagination. If it was, Lily wasn't sure what she'd do. Feelings raged inside her. Lily had never been prone to fainting, but she felt like she was going to as she entered the disused classroom. Taking a seat at one of the desks, she propped her head up on her hands, and stared down at the dark wood of the tabletop. Her world was spinning, and she had to grab onto something to hold herself up. 

Severus was half finished with his meatloaf and was feeling a little more alert. He reached for a treacle tart and realized Lily was gone. _Runes!_ he remembered he was to meet her there after dinner. He shoved the tart in his mouth and made his way out the Great Hall and to the Runes classroom. 

Snape stood outside the door to the Runes classroom. He knew he had to face her, sooner or later, but what would he say? What would she say? _You'll never know unless you go inside._ said a voice in his head. He sighed and made his way in, he saw Lily sitting on the desk, he quickly quelled the images from the dreams that tried to come back up.

"Evans?" he said as if to announce his presence.


	8. The Troubles of Tutoring

She jumped. "Oh.. you came."

Lily gave him a happy smile, and stood up. "I believe we have quite a bit to discuss. First of all... Were you serious when you agreed to what I said?" 

Her voice was soft, as if she thought if she spoke too loud, he would be scared away again.

Severus took a deep breath and stared at her for a moment. "No" he said simply. "I was angry" he added. 

Lily's eyes grew even brighter. She stepped forward, closer to him. Looking up into his eyes, Lily stood only a about a centimeter away from him. She'd forgotten all the other things she wanted to talk to him about completely. Snape felt his breath quicken again. His heart was racing. He felt his stomach was flipping around. He wanted to say something, but all his words seemed to run away. He kept staring at her, his breathing starting to sound like he was hyperventilating again. He hated that she made him feel so vulnerable. Slipping one of her hands into each of his, she felt almost uncertain rather to touch him. Severus had always been so mean and nasty, she expect him to pull away from her and call her a mudblood any moment. Her deep green eyes stared up into his dark ones. Severus felt her hand in his and froze. He tensed up, the images from the dream flashing rapidly in his head.

This was all going too fast.

He couldn't breathe….

He couldn't _move_…

He stared at her intensely, blinking slowly as if he wanted to maximize the time he looked at her.

Wrapping her fingers around his large, cold hands, Lily's own warm ones seemed to embrace his. Then she remembered the tutoring and frowned. "Well... after you said that... I agreed to tutor Potter in potions. It'll only be probably once or twice a week."

It was her turn to tense up. She awaited the shouts of anger that was about to escape him. 

Something in him enraged. He let her hand fall limply. He took a step back. "Is that all it is?" He asked, his voice eerily calm, subdued anger shouting from each syllable. 

"I promise." She looked up into his eyes helplessly. "I knew it was wrong from the moment I said okay... I didn't want to ruin the moment, but I couldn't just not tell you."

Lily's hand felt cold and empty now despite the fact that his hand had been icy cold. She wanted that feeling back. All she had left now was regret and dread. She knew he would storm out, but she just couldn't lie. Well it wouldn't have been lying. Nevertheless, it was dishonest. That just wasn't Lily.

Severus had been looking at the floor while she replied. He now looked up at her, his dark eyes narrowing at her almost at a glare but it was too soft, like it was made out of pain instead of raw anger. He looked at her appraisingly for a moment. "You . . .you brought me here to tell me this?" he asked simply, trying to remain as in control of his emotions as possible. 

"No. It was mostly to find out if you really meant what you said about yesterday, but that was just an after thought... I'm not telling you that to make you mad, but to tell you so that you won't think it's something else, Severus." Lily wanted nothing more than to take his face in her hands, and kiss him, but she knew it would be wrong. Maybe she could petrify him so he'd stay. She didn't want him to run away again. To leave.. like she knew he was on the verge of. 

Severus nodded slowly "Well, Potter can use all the help he can get in Potions, seeming as he can barely keep his cauldron on the table." he said avoiding talking about his feelings for her.

He was still confused. I mean he just had a dream where she was trying to kill him and here he was moments ago she was holding his hand and close enough to kiss him. She claims she doesn't want to play games, but she continues to up the risk and roll the dice, its like she's flirting with the chance that he may like her back. 

"Severus...?" She said slowly, her voice sounding quiet and sweet. Lily clasped her hands together in front of herself, and looked up at him. 

He looked at her. "I didn't mean to do it." he admitted defensively. "It . . . just . . . sort . . . of happened." he drawled as he looked down and shuffled his feet. 

"What? I wasn't even talking about that... I was going to ask you a question. But you did knock their cauldron over? Was it because of what Potter said about me?" Lily had been listening. She'd heard all the different things Potter had said about her. It didn't make her feel warm and fuzzy at all. Just slightly annoyed. 

Severus felt stupid. He had outted himself. He couldn't help it, she had that look, you know that look where if you steal a cookie from the cookie jar and your mom knows but she wants you to admit you stole it before she tells you already knew.

"It was just a stupid accident, but what were you going to ask me?" he answered quickly, not wanting to go into it any further. 

"How do you feel about me?" She said quickly. "I'm tired of wondering..."

Lily sat down at a desk, still looking up at him. Her legs just couldn't hold her anymore. They felt like jelly. Dread clot his veins. What was he going to say? I'm confused out of my mind? You're the crush of my biggest rival and I have nightmares about you killing me? No way!

"Honestly . . ." he started. "I try not to" he said knowing this may upset her. He held her gaze watching for her reactions. 

Lily looked at the ground. "Okay. If it helps, I can leave you alone then."

Her voice was void of emotion. It sounded wrong coming from her mouth. Crimson hair falling in her face, Lily stared at the tiled floor. 

"No!" he found himself saying before he could think. He didn't know why he said it and at the moment he didn't care, he just couldn't lose her. Did this mean he had feelings for her too? That he wanted to spend his forever with her as well? 

Lily looked confusedly up at him. Tears looked like they were close to her eyes, but forced back by a will stronger than he'd imagined. "Would you please make up your mind?" 

"How can I?!" Severus snapped. "If I allow myself to feel anything for you it will only stir up more confusion." he added slightly calmer. "I should go…" he said after a beat, he started for the door, not wanting to talk about this anymore. 

"Please don't." Her voice was almost begging. Not a tone many heard from Lily Evans. Her green eyes surveyed him as he headed for the door. 

Severus stopped. Inches from the door, he spun on his heel, slowly. He faced Lily with a blank expression on his face. He just stared at her. 

"If you leave..." Lily didn't know what the rest of the sentence was. Her bright green eyes were searching him for any bit of feeling or slight difference in his usual look. He had to feel something, didn't he? Or he wouldn't be here. Lily only wished it didn't have to be about her. Now she could be studying for the N.E.W.T.S. that were still not until the end of next term. 

Severus waited for her to finish her sentence. Seeing the searching look of her eyes, he was determined to keep any emotion that wanted to show from showing.

He had a goal to become an occlumens before he graduated, he wasn't going to allow Lily Evans, the mudblood, screw it up, no matter how sweet, kind, mesmerizing, beautiful, witty, or brave she was. No matter how intoxicating her presence was. He had to remain strong, disciplined, controlled. _But does that also mean you have to be alone?_ a voice inside him asked, he tried to ignore it. 

Looking dejectedly at the floor, Lily wrung her hands together. Tears fought their way into her eyes despite the iron will holding them back. A rough patch rose into her throat. Holding back the sniffles, she didn't dare look at him. Didn't dare look at that face that showed nothing, no emotion, when hers was so full of it. 

Severus looked at her. He pursed his lips and crossed his arms across his chest. "If I leave . . . what?" his voice drawled, it hit the silence with the sharpness of a bell. Part of him was weakened by her vivid display of emotion, yelling at him to just tell her everything, but another was scolding him to remain strong. 

"Nothing just go. Just go. You're right about it. About us. We'd never work because you're too much of a cold prat who thinks of nothing but being weak!" Anger welled inside of her. Lily's fists clenched in rage.

"You stopped me from leaving, to tell me that I should go? " Severus asked, his tone sounding almost mocking, as if he was trying to highlight the foolishness of her actions rather than repeat them for his own clarity. 

Lily stood up and grabbed her bag. "No. As if you deserve an explanation. If you've been trying to push me away, you've succeeded, Snape."

She headed toward the door that he was standing right in front of. The sharpness of hearing his surname in her sweet voice, hit him like a slap in the face. He looked into her wet green eyes, looking like moss after a storm, so rich. He saw her coming toward the door. "Have I?" he asked. 

Lily nodded, knowing the strength in her voice was failing. The spinning she'd felt earlier was coming back, but she continued to march toward the door, dead set on knocking him over if he didn't get out of the way. 

Severus searched her eyes, seeing the emotion still hidden there, mostly clouded by anger, but he could still see the feelings she had for him. He then looked away, feeling weak from her gaze. He took a breath, that sounded more like a gasp, in order to keep from expressing whatever emotion wanting to escape from him, be it tears, a shouting emotional outburst, anything.

He gave a terse nod and left the runes classroom.

Finding herself blinded by the tears running from her eyes, Lily hurried by memory to the Gryffindor common room. Too bad in her momentary loss of normal thought process, she forgot about the trick stair. Her foot sank into it deeply. Letting out a cry of frustration, the redhead threw her books down on the floor, and glared down at the stair. Then she froze up. A familiar stride was right behind her. 

Remus Lupin was on his way from the library back to the Gryffindor Common room. He heard a frustrated voice and a loud pang of what was obviously books, he rounded the corner and saw Lily wrestling with the stairs.

"I never thought I'd see you throwing your books on the floor" he joked, then he saw the tears streaming from her eyes and knew that her frustration stemmed from somewhere deeper than the stairs. His face melted into concern. "Lily? What's happened?" 

Lily sighed inwardly. "Everything, Remus..."

Pulling out her wand, Lily muttered a quick charm and the stair opened up from around her foot letting out a loud creaking of almost pain. She mumbled a curse word at it, and gathered her things. She wanted to latch onto Remus and tell him everything, but she knew it wasn't best. Severus would... what did it matter? He didn't care about her. At that thought, Lily felt the dizziness again. Swaying slightly, she slapped her hand between to portraits to keep from falling down the stairs. 

Remus picked up a quill and looked up as Lily staggered on the stairs. "I don't suppose you want to talk about it" he said as he walked the stairs he stopped toward her extending the quill to her. "Dropped this" he said. 

"I always miss those blasted quills." She said, trying to hide the fact that her head was spinning. "I'd actually love to talk about it... you think we could find a more... private place?" 

"Sure" he said, "Like a disused classroom, or something?" he suggested. He then furrowed his brow as to where the nearest one would be or any other possibilities of a 'private place' would be. 

"Yeah... I know a really good one." She rolled her eyes, knowing that it would only be a small joke to herself. "How about the old one close to Gryffindor tower?"

Lily shouldered her bag, and headed up the stairs. She didn't look back to see if Remus was following. She knew he was. Remus followed her in silence to the place where they could talk in private. It must be really big, he had never seen Lily so emotional before. 

As they stepped inside, Lily shut the door after him, and let everything spill. The rainy afternoon where she admitted her feelings, the unspoken conversation, the ancient runes classroom, and Severus' cold uncaring attitude. By the end, Lily felt warm tears spilling down her face. Then it hit her... Lily had friends, but no friends she could talk to like this. All of the girls she knew would have just called her dumb. After her long-winded explanation, Lily found herself with her arms wrapped around the sandy blond. It was the single most innocent, yet most loving action she'd had with anyone in a long time. Perhaps since she was a girl. 

Remus patted her back, having listened raptly to her spiel. He let her cry into his shoulder. He felt partly guilty for being the catalyst to this debacle in a way.

"It'll be alright, its okay, let it out" he said in a friendly, caring voice. He continued to caringly pat her back. 

"Why couldn't I have fallen for someone else? Someone like you, Remus..." She blushed at it, despite her face buried in his shoulder. It would have made more since. When they were in third year she had developed a crush, but it had grown out quickly. This was mostly because she valued their friendship so much, seeing something so trivial rip it apart would be heart breaking. 

Remus smiled slightly, flattered that she would even think of him before James, who was practically in love with her, even though she continued to not give him the time of day.

"We have no control over who we fall for." he said in his very calm, rational voice. "We just do. " He said, he pulled Lily away slowly and looked into her eyes as he explained as if to make sure she understood. "Two people can have the world in common but that's not why we fall for someone. There is something much, much deeper that attracts them to each other. While you and I may be very similar, that thing, that attraction that pulls you and Severus together, just isn't there. Severus may act cold and distant, but you have to remember, he did meet you in the Runes classroom, both times, when he didn't have to. If he felt nothing at all, why would he come?" Remus explained. 

Lily sighed. "That's exactly my question, but I have no answer to that. He doesn't have to hide the feelings from me... I wouldn't mock him or tell him he's dumb for it." 

"Give him, time, Lily, if he truly has feelings for you, which I'm sure he does, it will only be a matter of time before he won't be able to hide it any longer" Remus replied. 

"Too bad patience is my worse virtue..." Lily grinned at Remus. "Well do I look okay to go back to the Gryffindor common room or you think James will notice that I've been crying? That's the last thing I need."

Just then she remembered something... She needed to ask Slughorn when she could tutor Potter. 

Remus looked at her appraisingly, and slowly nodded. "You look fine, just wipe your nose a bit and you'll be fine." Remus answered, he pulled out his clean handkerchief from his robes, "Here. Don't worry, its clean." he said smiling a little. 

"Thanks." She wiped her nose gently. "You're going to make some girl very happy one day, Remy." Lily stood up. "Come to think of it I need to go ask Slughorn about James' tutoring. Perhaps I should go see if he's up to asking the potion's master with me. Sometimes Slughorn creeps me out a little." 

"Who James or Severus?" Remus asked, confused as he secured his book bag on his shoulder. 

"James. I'm done with trying to please Severus for now." She gathered her things, and opened the door to the classroom. Lily waved her wand over the handkerchief for cleaning, and handed it back to him. 

Muttering "Godric" before stepping into the portrait hole. She glanced around at the Gryffindors, for once looking for Potter. Lily spotted him in the back with Sirius and about five girls. She sighed, and shook her head at Remus before going over to them. "Potter, about the tutoring, I need to go ask Slughorn and I wanted to know if you'd want to come with me. Since you are the reason I'm going." 

James was laughing and telling quidditch stories to the swooning girls as they giggled shrilly and made flirtatious soft hits at him. He looked up at Lily. "What?" he asked, not having heard what she said. 

"Potions tutoring, Potter." Lily said bluntly. "We need to visit Slughorn about it."

She was oddly annoyed at the fact that she wasn't the center of his attention... maybe this was what it was like when one of these girls wanted his attention when she was around. Crossing her arms, Lily gave him a slight smile, and nodded down at the girls giving her angry looks.

"Oh, right" James said as he squeezed himself away from the girls who gave Lily dirty looks. He had his broom on his shoulder. "I'll run this up and I'll be right down" he said with an arrogant smile, as if having that broom gave him some extra points. Lily nodded, not feeling like coming down on him today. She waited patiently for him, leaving her books with Remus until she came back. Glancing at the girls, Lily could see one of them, a girl with dark brown hair, still glaring at Lily despite the conversation Sirius had started with the other girls. Apparently she had a crush on Potter. Not like it mattered.

Lily was no threat. 

James came thundering down the stairs, tussling his hair. "Alright, let's go."

Standing up straight, Lily headed for the portrait hole, not at all waiting for Potter to make sure he hadn't stopped again to ruffle his hair again. Once they were outside of the common room, Lily turned to him. "Those girls were giving me nasty looks." 

"Of course they were, they were jealous." James said as he jogged to catch up to her. "They see you as competition" he said smirking arrogantly. 

The look on Lily's face was incredulous. She couldn't believe that just the simple fact that James worshiped her would get so much hate from all these girls. Didn't they see how dumb they were? Chuckling, Lily shook her head.

"Well that dark haired one looked like she wanted to kill me." 

"Don't worry, she won't" James said as they turned to go down the stairs to go toward the dungeons. 

"Well that's apparent, Potter." Lily said, slightly irked. "So when are you free? I mean... quidditch will be taking up quite a lot of your time."

She knocked on Slughorn's door, her thin hand moving quickly over it. 

"Uh . . ." James furrowed his brow for a moment. "Tuesdays would work, I could just move some things around a bit, no biggie." 

"Well I'm free everyday. I used to belong to the Charms Club, but... well that doesn't matter." She shook her head, waiting for Slughorn to answer. After a long bit of shuffling behind the door, it opened largely.


	9. Potter becomes a Problem

"Well hello, Miss Evans. What brings you and Mister Potter here to my door so late?" His overly friendly tone rubbed Lily the wrong way for some reason.

She gave him a light smile. "Potter wanted me to tutor him in potions, Professor, and I agreed. We'd just like to know when your classroom is open for our use."

Slughorn ushered them in and told them to take a seat in front of a messy desk. James felt weird being in the Potions room at this hour. But he was happy to be here with Lily, even if it is for extra Potions class, he'd rather take remedial potions with Lily than with Sirius and Slughorn. Digging around, the professor pulled out a ornate key and handed it to Lily. "Here you go, Miss Evans. This is for you to use. You two can come in any time you'd like to work on it, just report to me how often. Now Potter, I talked to McGonagall, and she said that if you don't pick up your grade, you're off the quidditch team. So if it means coming in during practice, you might have to. I would even suggest you two starting tonight, but, of course, that is up to you." 

James curled his lip oh so slightly at the thought of being kicked off the team, but not in a sneering way like Severus did oh so well, it looked more like out of disappointment. 

"Well it's up to you." Lily shot a glance at James, seeing his apparent dislike at Slughorn's words. She didn't like it either. It meant one of their star players would be off the team.

"Well, I don't want to get kicked off the team." James said. "S'pose we can squeeze in one lesson." he added looking back at her.

"Alright then. Go get a cauldron from the closet. I'll get the ingredients, and we can use one of the ladles here. I left my things back in the common room." Lily said, getting up and immediately taking control.

James nodded. "Which potion are we going to brew first?" he asked as he went and got the cauldron and ladle.

Picking up a few extra books, she placed them onto the desk and got the ingredients. "How about we try a simple one first? I dunno... you pick." 

James placed the cauldron on the table and dropped the ladle inside. "Simple, hmm I don't know," he said as he took a book and started flipping through the pages, "How about . . .em . .this Draught of the living dead, it only has 2 ingredients, it seems simple enough" he said as he plopped the book open. It did indeed only have 2 ingredients.

"Right... well that's really quite simple. I'll stir." Lily got the Asphodel and Wormwood from the ingredient's closet. "Now probably a lot of your problem is following directions, James." Lily winced. She'd just called him James? In front of his face? Oh, he'd get the wrong idea. 

James was taken aback by the use of his first name. His ego soared, suddenly happy that he suggested they start right away. He had a feeling that all she needed was a little time alone with him before she realized her feelings for him. "What directions? You put it in the pot the order its in and you stir it. Big deal, I mean you're just mixing stuff together in a big pot, what difference does it make the order you put it in, its all going to mix the same way." he said as he took the ladle out of the cauldron and started to twirl it idly between his fingers, his feet propped up on the desk as he leaned back in the chair. 

Lily took the ladle from his hand. "First lesson. Stand up. If you try to make a potion while sitting down, you'll fail because first, you can't chop properly and second, you can't see inside the cauldron." She smirked at him, and began to set the pot to boil. "And all that you just said was very wrong." Lily began to stir gently. "Now... read and follow the directions closely. If you don't... chop the wormwood instead of making it slices, it will mix right. And no, they don't just mix together perfectly."

James sighed. "Alright" he stood and picked up the book and read the first line of directions aloud. "Set the cauldron on the fire, fill it with water and set to boil." he read. He looked at her curiously, "Hey it doesn't say to stir until . . ." he looked down at the page, "Step four" he said looking up at her his brow furrowed. 

Lily nodded. "Well we'll keep to directions here... a little secret I learned from-- Er... learned from a book once." She didn't want to talk about Severus. Everything that had happened between them almost seemed like an odd dream.

"Step two, chop the asphodel directly into the water once its started boiling" he read. He pursed his lips and set the book down as he picked up the asphodel and the knife, not paying any attention.

"No... the water isn't boiling yet, James." She said, and put her hand on top of his, not even realizing what she was doing.

He looked at her hand on top of his, not moving, he looked up into her eyes "Oh" he said weakly, the knife went limp in his hand and it dropped with a clink on the table. Lily nodded, and went back to looking over the direction, her long red hair falling in her eyes. She still didn't even realize she'd just laid her hand on his. James sat back down and leaned back in his chair boredly as he waited for the water to bubble. After a few minutes, it began to do just that. Lily motioned for him to begin cutting the ingredients. 

James took the asphodel in hand and began to chop it straight into the bubbling potion. Slowly the water changed color and bubbled faster. He then took the book in hand and read the next line of instruction. "Stir until the potion changes into a soft opaque yellow and then slice the wormwood into 7 slices and drop them into the potion at 5 minute intervals, letting the potion simmer in between the dropping of each slice." He looked at the potion, it was a grim off-white color, not nearly yellow yet. 

Lily stirred slowly, letting the potion change colors fully. Her thin arms moving in circles as instructed in the book. She could feel Slughorn watching them from his desk, waiting for them to try something against the rules. Lily knew very well that Slughorn wanted James off the quidditch team. It would mean Slytherin would most certainly win this year. James then took the wormwood and sliced it into seven slices just like it said and then proceeded to drop one slice in after the other. He was about to drop the second slice in before the five minute interval was up, but stopped himself. "Almost forgot, gotta wait 5 minutes first." he muttered dryly as he sat down and stared at the clock on the wall above Slughorn's desk. 

"Right." Lily continued to stir. She whispered to James so Slughorn couldn't here. "He wants you to screw up, James. If both you and Sirius get kicked off the team, they'll be hurting. Slytherin has got an amazing team this year. They're bound to get you." 

James looked from the clock to Lily and then to Slughorn who was staring at him as if he wanted to curse him. James smirked smugly. "Yeah, I'm sure he does" he said to Lily, "He's going to be disappointed isn't he?" He said as he looked back at the clock. He had 3 minutes left. 

Lily laughed. "With a tutor like me! Of course!" She grinned, and elbowed him lightly. 

James smiled, happy to see Lily let down her guard even just once. She was smiling that angelic smile that made him melt inside. She was joking around with him, instead of regarding him as arrogant and stupid. The five minutes were up, James stood and added the second slice of wormwood. "Why else did you think I requested you?" he said a hint of joking in his voice. "You're the best" he said seriously and met her eyes then looked away and sat back down and looked at the clock again. 

"Actually if you wanted the best, you should've asked Snape. He'd teach you more than you even thought you could know. Even being his partner is teaching me things I never knew." She continued to stir, her arms feeling a bit tired, but she didn't say anything. "Though he'd never teach you a thing, James. He can't even stand being in my presence."

Suddenly, Lily remembered the runes classroom very vividly. Was what she said the truth? It couldn't be... the way he'd blurted out 'no' really made her believe that she was correct in thinking that. 

"Snivellus?" James sneered. "As if I'd even think to ask him to borrow an inkwell let alone potions lessons." he spat angrily as he looked away from the clock for a split second but quickly looked back up at it, he had 2 minutes left.

Lily nodded. "What made you start hating him?" She asked, absentmindedly. 

"I don't know it was just one of those things. We rubbed each other the wrong way, I guess" he said blankly as he stood and added the third slice to the potion. It started to turn colors and thicken a bit.

"I guess that makes sense. He tends to rub people the wrong way." She laughed lightly, and continued stirring. 

James was happy that Lily understood his disagreement with Snape. He had 2 minutes before he had to add the next slice. 

"See, I knew you could be good at this, Potter. You just have to apply yourself, and pay attention." Her emerald eyes were watching his every move. Realizing what she was doing, Lily turned her attention back to the bubbling potion. 

James stood up and added the fourth slice after the five minutes were over. "Thanks, Lily, that means a lot coming from you." he said smiling, he looked into her eyes and then realized that Slughorn was in the room and looked away. He looked at the clock again. 

"Really?" She grinned, keeping her voice low to try and thwart Slughorn's obvious eavesdropping. 

"Really." James said looking her in the eyes again. Why did he keep doing that? It was like some magnetic force, he couldn't not meet them, although he knew every time he did he felt a weakness in his gut and his heart skipped a beat. He looked back at the clock. 4 minutes and 30 seconds. 

Slughorn got up. "If you two will excuse me, but I have to go ask a student a question. Please don't do anything against the rules. I'm really not supposed to leave you, but I trust Evans."

He made sure to say Evans as if he didn't trust Potter. Of course he didn't, but nevertheless, Slughorn left. 

James felt a streak of mischievousness surge through him as if Slughorn had given him an invitation to cause trouble but he knew Lily wouldn't let him get away with it, besides, she was being so nice to him, actually joking around and smiling, he didn't want to ruin anything by getting her in trouble. Nodding, Lily bid Slughorn farewell, and continued stirring. Her long crimson hair falling in her face. She didn't know what they would say now that the professor was gone. Lily could only hope it would be nothing heartfelt or anything... It wouldn't bode well for her. Plus, Lily kept feeling warm toward Potter. Not a good sign. 

James watched the clock and then when it was time he added the fifth slice and sat back down. "Is it always so boring?" he asked with a sigh. "I mean its soo . . . time consuming" he added. 

"Not if you can have a nice conversation." She smiled gently, wishing she wasn't being so nice. Lily needed to be mean to him. Then Severus wouldn't think there was anything going on. 

"Oh, well I certainly have the company for nice conversation don't I?" he said a bit flirtatiously. He met her eyes again and then looked away biting his lip. 2 minutes and 10 seconds. 

Lily chuckled, and yawned. She hadn't realized she was this tired until just now. 

"See if we had done this my way, we'd have been done by now, and you could be in bed getting your beauty sleep" James said as he stood and added the sixth slice. 

"If we had done this your way, we would have completely messed up the potion." Lily raised an eyebrow at him, and grinned. "So... No we'd be at the beginning again, trying it all over." 

James gave a smirk that admitted that she was right. He fiddled with a loose thread on his robes as he watched the clock again only 4 minutes and 15 seconds until he had to add the last slice. He thought to himself. 14 seconds . . .13 . . . 

Lily could almost see him counting down in his eyes. Did he want to get out of her presence so soon? Messing with the hem of her shirt, she continued stirring with the other hand. 

James was tempted to assuage his boredom of just sitting here by taking out his wand and levitating the last slice up and down to the rhythm of the ticking clock. He knew he was far more skilled with his wand than he would ever be with a ladle. The only plus side to this entire scene was that Lily was here with him. 2 minutes and 30 seconds.. 29... He only wished he could think of something to say around her. She made him so speechless. He couldn't talk about quidditch because she didn't like flying and as far as he knew, she hardly understood or liked it. He sighed and smiled at Lily, feeling stupid as he let this opportunity to finally talk to her slide through his fingers.

Meanwhile, Slughorn was looking for Severus. He needed his help with a potion that had kept turning out looking more like hippogriff dung. He couldn't believe he was seeking the help of a student, but it was the only one he knew could help. Stepping into the Slytherin common room, the professor looked around, in search of the dark boy. 

Severus was sitting in the dark corner of the common room burying himself in his precious dark arts, feeding his mind and consoling his soul, reading a book by wand light. He had to think of something else other than Lily. He looked up if only for a brief second and saw Slughorn looking around for someone.

"Professor?" Snape's soft, drawling voice carried all the way out from the dark corner and reached Slughorn's ears in tact. "Are you looking for someone?" he inquired. 

"Oh yes, my boy. You, of course. I need some help with some wolfsbane. It keeps coming out looking wrong. The last batch is in my office, and it is imperative that I get done soon." Slughorn gave Severus a light smile. "Do you think you could help me?"

"Certainly, Professor" Snape drawled. He closed his book and put it away in his bag. He slung his bag over his shoulder. "Just let me put his upstairs and I will meet you outside, sir" he said heading up to the boys dormitory.

Slughorn nodded, and stood outside the gargoyle, waiting for Severus to come back. He watched some of his students come back in. Giving them a warning look, they quickly went inside. It was after hours for students to be out. They had to have special permission. 

Within minutes, Severus exited the portrait hole. "Professor?" he asked, looking up at him with dark emotionless eyes. He stood with his arms behind his back. 

"Right. Let's go, Severus." As they headed for his classroom, Slughorn gave him a thoughtful look. "May I ask... why don't you have a girlfriend? I mean... You're very intelligent. You aren't gay are you?" 

Severus's eyes got wide at the shock of the random, intrusive question. "Sir?" he asked unable to take the shock from his voice. He held the utmost respect for Slughorn, and did not think he would nose around to such levels asking about his personal life.

What was the deal anyway? He was slime-ball Snivellus, the odd ball, weird greasy git, now he's mister popular. First Remus now Slughorn, Lily and Potter had to be up to something, he was most nearly sure of it now . . . 

"I was just wondering... I mean... Seems like even if you aren't popular, some girl would like you, Severus." Slughorn frowned. "You are one of my best students, and my favorite. So I was just... wanting to know. I know nothing about you."

"Its alright, Professor" Snape drawled, "You needn't worry about me I'm perfectly fine" Snape said, avoiding the question, though the professor had a point he didn't know much about him. Hardly anyone did. He had to admit, he liked it better that way. He forced the surfacing thoughts of Lily out of his head. They entered the dungeon.

Snape saw Lily and James sitting by a cauldron. He glared at Potter and then saw Lily, he gave her a lip-curling look of distaste as he followed Slughorn. 


	10. James' Jealousy

Lily had, at first, looked hopeful at Severus, but then realized that he must have been the one Slughorn had wanted to see. She frowned at his look. So he didn't find her on his own accord.

Slughorn led Severus over to a cauldron. "Have any idea what I've done wrong then?" 

Severus stared down into the cauldron, his face in that contemplative glower of his. He took the ladle and took some out, held it inches from his nose and inhaled it. Then took a pinch of the liquid between his fingers and rubbed it between them. Finally taking a lick of one of his fingers he nodded. "Your Hareton seed is too old and your bat's blood diluted with something acidic. Where did you buy your ingredients?" He turned to Slughorn on the last question 

Potter was shocked that he could determine all that without having brewed it. He looked at Lily and then stood to look in the potion, he had added the last slice in Slughorn's absence. "Is it ready yet?" he asked Lily in a whisper.

Lily nodded. "Yeah... I'll clean up if you want to head back to the common room. I bet those girls miss you." She gave a grin, apparently wanting to make it a joke, but serious about him going ahead. 

"Eager to get rid of me so fast?" he joked back, he looked into her eyes for a moment before he realized that there were other people in the room. He went for his bag and stuffed his book back inside it.

"See ya around, Lily" he said as he made his way out of the dungeons.

Lily nodded and smiled. "Later, James."

She began to clean up the cauldron quickly, in hopes of catching Snape as he left. She wanted to talk to him more than anything. All this love/hate bullshit was getting to her. Snape chided Slughorn to be more prudent when he buys his ingredients, he managed to keep his tone from crossing the boundary into disrespect. He recommended several vendors, mostly in Knockturn Alley and a few private apothecaries that sold from their homes that specialized in rare potion supplies. He then did his best to get the potion as close as he could to perfection with the tainted supplies. Lily slowed down a bit as she began to the ingredients. This might be harder than she thought. Well if she had to, she could wash her ladle twice. 

"Thank you, Severus, I'll award 30 points to Slytherin for your aptitude in potions once again, you have no idea how important it was for me to get this finished." Slughorn said as he poured the potion into a vial. He patted Severus on the back.

"Could you do me another favor, Severus, keep an eye on Lily until I come back to lock up . . .you know what, I trust you, you two can lock up once she's done cleaning up, and drop the keys by  
my office. I need to run this to the Headmaster." Slughorn said, with that he left the room. Leaving Severus and Lily alone… 

Lily put the ladle away, and shouldered her bag. "If he would wait two seconds, I'd be ready to leave." She fiddled with the strap. "Is there anything else we need to put away for him?"

She was trying to waste time, but Lily knew it was on both of their minds. 

Severus avoided her eyes. "No just these few ingredients, but I've got it handled, you go on ahead." he said, his tone, as usual was blank and emotionless. He took up the supplies and headed for the store closet. 

"Okay..." She said slowly, trying to get more time.

Severus returned from the store closet, half annoyed and half relieved to see Lily still there. He stood there for a moment, in the silence. Staring at her, thousands of things shouting in his mind for him to say to her, but it was like his mouth was sewn shut, unwilling him to utter a word to her. 

"Severus... I..." She didn't know what to say. Lily only hoped that this conversation wouldn't end it tears like the last one had. She opened and closed her mouth, making her look like a fish almost. Severus watched her with expectant eyes, waiting for her to finish her sentence. He knew he should say something to her, but he couldn't. Lily chewed on her lip, thinking of what to say next. "I... I'm sorry."

She watched him, wondering what was going to happen next. A muscle tensed up in his jaw as he stared at the floor for a moment. Slowly he nodded as he looked up at Lily. "Me too." he found himself saying before he could stop himself. 

She stepped forward, wanting to kiss him. Her emerald eyes moving over his face. Even if she wasn't going to kiss him, she wanted to be closer. Then a silent prayer went through her mind. Lily could only hope that both of them could keep their cool. 

Severus was stirred. Slughorn's question had really gotten to him. He stared back into Lily's eyes wanting to hold her, kiss her, anything, but he didn't dare move a muscle. No, that would complicate things. Staring into her eyes drove away every confusing thought, every angry thought, every bitter argument that said that he should just walk away. "What are we doing?'" he asked her softly, his voice trembled with emotion. 

"I don't know." Lily said slowly, now staring at the ground. "We have feeling for each other... But... why is it so hard for you to not just kiss me, Severus. I've been waiting for it."

She frowned, and looked back up into his eyes. Severus' eyes widened, speechless. He then furrowed his brow and became all fidgety.

"Oh, you guys are still here, I thought you would have locked up by now." Slughorn's voice boomed, he then paused, seeing them standing close together, he looked from Lily to Severus and a flicker of understanding flashed in his eyes. 

Lily stepped back, and pursed her lips. "Sorry Professor... just having a discussion. We'll be heading out now."

She went toward the door, hoping Severus would follow. 

Severus sucked in his cheeks slightly, unsure of whether to be grateful or angry at Professor Slughorn's interruption. "Goodnight, Professor," he said as he placed the keys to the store closet on his desk and then left, following Lily out. 

Lily stepped out into the hallway, and turned around, waiting for Severus. "So..."

She ran a hand through her hair gently. Feeling just about as fidgety as he did, she shot him a nervous glance, and stared back down at the floor. What now? 

"I'm not ready, Lily" he whispered. "Not yet" He added quickly. His words were so soft, it was as if they might break from being saturated with so new an emotion. Severus walked past her, a gust of his scent lingered behind as he made his way back to the Slytherin common room. 

Lily took a deep breath, breathing in his quickly fading scent. She couldn't be mad, of course. Running her hand through her hair, she finally caught her senses and headed back to the Gryffindor common room. He wasn't ready? Well she was... 

Snape laid on his bed in the dormitory. He was trembling, full of emotion, raging, was it fear, regret, anxiety, he didn't know, but something about Lily stirred him up, made him uneasy, and weak. As much as he despised the feeling, he didn't want it to leave. 

Severus started to doze but the sound of Lily's voice drifted in his mind like a mist, her laugh, the way she said his name, the way her voice just warbled slightly when was angry or sad. He woke with a start and rolled over to his side… angry. 

Severus finally drifted of into an uneasy sleep. He was in a room surrounded by runes, that flipped and turned over, having a rune on one side and a bright green eye on the other. There was a strange wind that seemed to pierce him causing him to go all weak and fall over. _Severus… Severus… _the wind moaned. Severus fell over and began falling he landed in a splash into a cauldron of mud, the jeering of Potter and his friends echoing in his ears _Snivellus . . . ha ha ha ha . . . slimy git . . . .grease ball… _the jeering echoed.

Pulling out a book she'd found in the library, Lily began to read it slowly. It was called 'Control of the Mind.' Severus had spoken of having no control. Perhaps Lily could change that. Controlling one's mind couldn't be that hard, and plus, if it helped Severus like her then maybe it was worth it.

Soon Lily fell asleep reading, her long red hair splayed out around her, and the book slipping from her slender hands onto the floor below her bed. Her dreams were haunting...

Severus was out by the lake. When Lily neared him, he got farther away so she began running, but still had no luck. Finally he appeared right before her, and he uttered one word in a deep, angry voice.

"Mudblood..." 

Lily jolted awake the next morning to the sun just barely rising over the horizon. 

Lily arose and went to the bathroom. Staring into the mirror she realized how pale her face was. Her emerald eyes seemed too shiny. The truth was, not only had that dream scared her, but it had also hurt her. The sound of the word mudblood coming from Severus' mouth was like sandpaper on her eyeballs. 

Picking up the book off the floor, the redhead set it on the nightstand, not being able to think enough to read it. She tied her hair up in a tight bun on the back of her head, and looked at the clock on the wall. She had two hours before classes started. Perhaps someone would be awake down in the common room. Taking the stairs slowly, she could only hope that somebody would be there that would be worth talking to. 

Remus was in the common room pouring over his books and making notes on scrolls of parchment. He did not stir when he heard footsteps enter the common room, apparently deep in thought. 

Lily took a seat next to him. "Good morning, Remus."

Looking over at the books, she smiled. That was Remus for you. Always so caught up in reading. Running a hand through her hair, Lily crossed her arms and leaned back against the couch. 

Remus looked up with a distracted look on his face that quickly melted into a warm smile, "Good Morning Lily, how are you fairing up? " he asked as he turned back to his notes to finish the sentence he was writing. 

"I'm fine." She lied. The dream still sent chills through her spine, but what did it matter? Lily knew it was only because of her apparent worry about Severus. 

Remus looked up at Lily, his hazel eyes boring into her green ones. "You're sure?" he said holding her gaze for a moment. 

Lily nodded gently, and gave him a soft smile. "I'm sure, Remy. So what are you pouring over this time?" 

"Transfiguration, as usual." despite his own lunar form of 'transfiguration' Remus found it to be his most challenging subject.

Lily nodded. "You need some help?"

She put her head on his shoulder, feeling like he was her brother more than anything. Remus was just so... adorable. She couldn't understand why he didn't have a girlfriend. 

"Sure, couldn't hurt." he said as he slowly repositioned himself so that she could see the book too along with his notes. 

"You'll probably want greater detail on the wand movements, Remy." She looked the notes over. "It's imperative to get it just right... if you don't, you can't get the right kind of incantation." 

Remus nodded as he took his notes and made the adjustments. He then put the feather of the quill to his mouth, "For this, one though. It says flick and then flourish, but it doesn't specify a degree of how much to flourish, does it matter?" he asked. 

"Yes... just about this much." She pulled out her wand and did as the instructions said, except flourishing as much as she knew how to. Her thin wrist flicked and whirled with the swish. "About that much... can you remember that?" 

Remus took his wand from his robes and mimicked her motion a couple of times, muttering the incantation under his breath. He nodded as he quickly wrote down a quick note for himself on the parchment. Lily nodded and put her wand away, still leaning on Remus. "I'm sorry if I'm making you uncomfortable..." 

Remus was wrapped up in his own thoughts he had hardly registered that Lily's head was on his shoulder, "No, its quite alright." he said a bit distracted. He flourished his wand muttering another incantation under his breath. Furrowing his brow, not sure if he was doing it right or not. 

"That's right... just keep it angled down a bit more..." Lily put her hand on top of his to guide his wand the right way. "This is your worst subject then, Remus?" 

"Unfortunately, yes" he said, he let his hand be guided by hers. Knowing she only meant to help him and there was nothing romantic meaning behind any of it.

Just as all this was happening, James came down, he saw their hands touching and he felt a surge of betrayal crawl up his throat.


	11. Scratching Out Lily

She didn't even hear the creak of stairs as she let her hand drop off of his. "Yeah... that's about it. I'm free for tutoring. I'm already tutoring James in potions. He's learning a lot." 

Remus nodded, "That may be helpful, thank you Lily" Remus replied. He went back to his notes and wrote frantically. James felt the betrayal slowly subside, but not completely quell. Sirius came down seconds later, loud and laughing.

"Prongs, you're not going to believe what Wormtail just did" He boomed as he slapped James on the back, pushing him toward the portrait hole. "Oh morning, Remus, Lily, " he then spewed into some story involving the pudgy blonde and a canary cream his voice fading off into the distance as they left the portrait hole. 

Lily nodded lightly to the two heading out of the portrait hole. "Shall we go to breakfast then? I'm getting hungrier by the second." 

Her spring green eyes moved over the just emptied portrait hole, then back to Remus. It suddenly hit her that James may have seen her head on her Remus. Maybe he would just understand that they were just friends... hopefully. Remus nodded, his thoughts still distant, in his school work. He packed his things and stood, walking toward the portrait hole with Lily. Lily ran her hand through her hair, and exited the portrait hole. Waiting for Remus, she gave him a soft smile as he too exited. "Do you want to catch up to Sirius and Remus?" 

Remus looked up pensively. "It will be alright, I need to stop by the library first anyway, I'll catch up." he said taking a left turn up a different staircase that was changing in the direction of the library. 

Lily was about ten steps behind them, not wishing to interrupt Sirius' story. Not that she had anything to say to either of them, but she just didn't feel like being alone. That meant she would be alone with her thoughts... never a good thing.

Severus was leaving the dungeons going toward the Great Hall. He was just rounding the corner entering the great hall when he saw James and Sirius deep in conversation, Sirius monopolizing it mostly with his story of Pettigrew and the canary cream. Sirius and James entered the great hall quickly leaving Severus and Lily at the door, Severus looked up, the emotion in his eyes drained and he quickly went inside. She hadn't even seen him at first, caught in her own thoughts, but when she did, she gave him her usual soft smile. Following him in, Lily took a seat a bit down from the Marauders. Severus sat alone. Away from the thick of the Slytherin crowd. This time he had brought a book, it was one of his favorites about obscure dark arts. He got a few pieces of toast and began to read. Lily watched him, hoping to perhaps get a bit of acknowledgement. Even that would make her happy, but he seemed absorbed in the book. Taking a bite of eggs, Lily averted her attention to the marauders who were laughing loudly down the table. Well the two that were there. Remus hadn't gotten back from the library, and Peter was not there as usual. 

Halfway through breakfast, Remus entered in panting as if he had ran all the way there, he sat down next to Lily, his eyes agleam with joy only a bookworm could have. He smiled to Lily as he held a book in front of her, "Look at it, isn't it great, I had to check it out, it was just too brilliant" He said handing it to her so she could see it. 

The book was bound in red leather. It had words written in shiny gold letters that read, _'Merlin: A nearly autobiography'_ Lily's eyes lit up. "Oh I heard of this! It's taken from Merlin's letters and things to make it. I've heard it's amazing. I'll have to get that after you." 

Remus beamed, "I'll be sure to read it quickly." He placed the book delicately in his bag and then served himself some sausage and eggs. 

"Anything else good in the library? I need something to last me the rest of the day." She took a bite of a biscuit, and watched Remus. "Oh... Also... James came down the stairs when I was sitting kind of close to you... do you think he suspects something?" 

Remus laughed slightly, "Why would he, we're friends, Lily, nothing more. He knows we share a common taste in books, and that I am quite poor in transfiguration, I don't see why he would think anything like that." He stated in his rational matter-of-fact tone. He took a bite of his eggs, 

"But... James is... You know him better than I do. He's sometimes very irrational and possessive." Lily said slowly, hoping not to offend her friend. 

Remus smirked as he shook his head. "You're not his to possess, Lily, and yes, he may be irrational, but I highly doubt he would think anything would be going on between us, I shall talk to him if it would assuage your fears." he offered as he took another bite of his eggs, finishing them off. 

Lily shook her head furiously. "No... no. Not unless he brings it up."

She didn't want James to get the wrong idea by her sending Remus to tell him not to be upset. Lily didn't even know why she was worrying herself with it. Remus nodded. He took a bite of his sausage.

Severus did not play peak a boo while he ate and read. He didn't want to see Lily. He didn't want to talk to her. He didn't want to be anywhere near her. Not until he was ready, whenever that is. 

Taking another bite of her breakfast, she looked over at Remus. "So... when shall we start our Transfiguration study group?" 

"Ah, well, what ever times are best for you." He replied as he took a sip from his goblet. He looked to Lily. 

Lily shrugged. "I really have no other things to do... save tutor James in Potions." Lily gave a light laugh that was like the tinkling of bells. "If I started charging, I could make a lot of money, don't you think, Remy?" 

"Indeed you would," Remus said smiling. "Well, shall we just pick a day then, when you're not tutoring James and make it a weekly thing then?" he asked, seeing her indeciveness.

James heard Lily call Remus 'Remy' since when did she do that? He felt that pang of betrayal again, not toward Lily, toward Remus. 

"Yeah that'll be good. Of course I'll have to see when James is free. I can't schedule over that." Lily nodded down at her plate. First class today was Transfiguration. 

"Sounds good" Remus said as he dabbed his mouth with a napkin. He took his tranfiguration books out as he stood. "See you in class Lily," he said as he got up and made his way to class.

Severus had already gone. He saw as he left, Remus and Lily talking about something, judging by the looks on thier faces as they spoke it was purely academic.

He had Transfiguration with the Gryfindors, first class. He had found a seat in the back, took out his wand and his book. 

Lily nodded, and watched Remus leave. She could have gone with him. Though she wanted another piece of toast. She'd barely touched the eggs or sausage. Nibbling on the toast, she threw it down on the plate, and gathered her things. As she headed out, she gave a soft smile to James. "Hey... I was wondering if you had any idea when you'll be having quidditch practice?" 

James turned and looked at Lily. "You mean like a regular schedule?" he asked wanting to hear her voice again. She smiled at him, he felt any feeling of betrayal leave him. 

"Yeah. I'm tutoring Remus in Transfiguration. He still makes perfect marks in it, but he seems to be having a bit of trouble. So I can see when it's good to have a study group with him." Lily dug around in her bag, and pulled out a piece of parchment so she'd know what days she had free, and what days she was tutoring. 

"Well main practice is every Monday and Thursday after classes, but if we have a big game coming up, or I want to tryout a new play or something, then I may add in additional practices" James replied.

"Then how about we work on Wednesday. I don't know if we need to work twice a week, but if you feel the need we can." By this time Lily had already sketched out a week. Inside the wrote 'no potions' on Monday and Thursday. "Before a test or something we might work more. Plus, sometimes we can just stay in the common room and work on theories and such." 

James smiled. "Sounds good, I'll make a note not to add an extra practice on Wendsdays" he said, Sirius nudged James in the ribs, and James shifted his attention back to his friend. 

"See you in class then." She gave him and Sirius a nod, and went to class. Taking her seat at the front of the class, Lily smiled at McGonagall who glanced up as she entered. Brushing the hair back from her eyes, she hadn't even noticed Severus in the back by himself. Not that she would have went to him anyway. After last night, she wasn't sure what to do with him anymore. 

Severus noticed Lily come in, though he knew she wouldn't notice him. He watched as she took her seat in the front, not too far away from Remus. They were so much alike, why didn't she go after him. Oh, that's right, he was Potter's friend, and everyone knew how Lily felt about James Potter. Lily pulled out her quill and ink well and began to scribble down the lesson on the board for studying later on. She'd sat close to Remus to help him out if he needed it. Remus wrote down the lesson too. Paying close attention as the teacher lectured on. Double checking the things he was unsure about with Lily when he needed to. Lily scribbled down nearly every word the professor said. At lunch she would go through the scribble, and rewrite it all. Going to dip her quill in the ink, she accidentally knocked it over onto her lap. Letting out a noise of frustration, she stood up. As soon as Lily did, she realized that her wand was in her bag, and to get to it would mean getting ink all over the bag. 

Remus took his wand and flicked it at Lily the ink cleared up. He then dove into his bag and took out an extra ink well for her to use. "Thanks, Remus." She smiled largely and sat down, thankful for her friend. "I owe you one." 

"Don't worry about it, I've done it loads of times. " He said smiling, he returned to taking notes.

Lily nodded, and did the same. The rest of the class dragged on, but she helped Remus which made things go a little quicker. She made no more clumsy movements which was good. After that she had Herbology in the last greenhouse. Most seventh years didn't take it so it was mixed together with all the houses. 

Severus sat in his seat in the greenhouse, having arrived there first. He was doodling in his potions book again, waiting for class to begin. 

Seeing him doodle, she wondered what it was, but she didn't dare near him. It was like a snake with a bow on its head. You wanted to go over and find out why it had the bow, but you didn't want to get bitten. 

Severus grimaced and made scratch out marks in his book. He tossed the quill on the table a bit and looked over and saw Lily. He raised his brow at her. A strange greeting but he couldn't bring himself to speak to her, not after the last thing he had said to her. 

Lily gave a gentle nod, and took her seat. She didn't feel like talking to him right then. Mostly because she was afraid of what he would say to her. Lily didn't know if she could take any more of his unsure attitude. The other students filed into the classroom and the class began. Severus went from taking notes to making scratch-out marks in his potions book during the whole class. Lily saw him scratching things out from the corner of her eye, wondering what it was, she thought about making a bathroom excuse and walking past his desk to see what it was. 

Severus pursed his lips and closed his potions book and shoved it into his bag. He then looked like he was paying close attention but the look in his eye was distracted, distant. Frowning, she realized she'd lost her chance, and took notes over the Herbology test they were to have next week. Lily really was paying no attention though. The part of her brain that was writing was copying mechanically what the teacher said. Meanwhile, the other half was thinking about more pressing matters. 

Severus stared off distantly thinking about what he was scrawling out over and over in his potions book. He tapped his quill absently. He was so close, what was it he was missing, he wondered, it was like he could see it but couldn't quite decipher what it was exactly. Lily blinked slowly, realizing that the teacher had been going over important points and she had completely forgotten to copy any of what she said down. Sighing, she continued to take notes, hoping to ask someone for theirs. Severus pursed his lips, deciding he would devote more time on it after class ended, he dipped his quill in the inkwell and began to continue to write notes as the teacher spoke. 

Class passed slowly, as classes tended to. Lily did her best to keep Severus out of her mind, but, as usual, had little luck. Thankful that she had lunch next, Lily gathered her things as the teacher dismissed them. 

Severus dawdled, making sure there was alot of distance between he and Lily as the students exitted the class. He wasn't really hungry anyway, so he decided to take a seat by the lake but as he was walking toward the lake, he ran into James and his friends, looking bored, and Snivellius was the answer to their prayers. 

"Oy! Snivelly!" James said, getting up, a smirk on his face. "Why don't you come over here and tell us something about the dark arts, you greasy git?"


	12. Crabbe and Goyle's stupidity

Lily, upon nearly getting inside the entrance hall, heard James' name calling, and sighed. Should she go stand up for him? Would it be pointless? 

Severus rolled his eyes, "Why don't you leave me alone, Potter, and go bobble around on your broomstick some more" Snape sneered. He held his hand ready on his wand, ready to attack. 

Sirius stood up laughing. "You seem greasier today? Is that a new shampoo you're using or have you just not bathed in a couple days?" 

Snape curled his lip and in one fluid motion he drew his wand and flourished it at Sirius, he was blasted away by a nonverbal Reducto. He then turned and pointed his wand at Potter, flourished it with a nonverbal Stupefy. 

James barely moved out of the way before shooting him with Expelliarmus. His hazel eyes were glittering with the duel. 

Snape's wand flew out of his hand. He scrambled to go get it, picking it up and then aiming it at James again "Impedimienta!" Snape called out. 

James got hit with the spell. He stopped in mid-swing of his wand, and blinked slowly. Sirius, recuperating from getting hit, pointed his wand and Severus and yelled, "Petrificus Totalus!" 

Severus, not anticipating that Sirius would get up so quickly was hit by the spell and went into a full body bind and then fell over onto the hard ground. 

He waved his wand at James who came out of his slow state of movement, and laughed. "Look at 'im. Isn't he cute. We should put him in his night-night close, honey." Sirius grinned, pretending to be a mother of sorts.

James waved his wand and muttered, "Ridikulus."

Sirius laughed harder, making it sound even more like a bark. They stepped back to reveal Snape in pink bunny pajamas with feet in them. The whole grounds was laughing hysterically. That's when a streak of red came across the grounds, and waved it's wand at the two so they both appeared in muggle lingerie. The whole student body laughed even harder. "You two are gits! Complete gits! Picking on him for no reason!"

She waved her wand at Severus, righting his clothing and undoing the petrifaction spell.

Severus sat up slowly, his hand went to his head. He had fallen over hard, there was a lump. He looked up at Lily with pathetic eyes, yet saying nothing. He was sore, there was a bit of gravel in his hair, it all seemed so surreal. Here he was, having been rescued by the ever so kind Lily Evans … again. His two biggest rivals were running away utterly embarrassed trying to cover themselves with their book bags. He looked back at Lily, unsure of what to say, if he thanked her, in front of all these people, when he usually got upset called her a mudblood during a situation like this. It would look weird, arouse suspicion…

"You didn't have to do that" Snape said to her, hoping that she would understand that he couldn't openly thank her, but felt enough for her not to storm away with bruised pride calling her a mudblood.

"Right, Snape. I didn't do it for you anyway." She turned on her heel before giving her a soft wink as her hair fell in her face. He was the only to see it, and it didn't even register until she was halfway across the grounds. If she had been there, being attacked two-against-one, she couldn't have held her own. Lily knew that much, but the only reason she got the upper hand was the element of surprise. Hurrying up the stairs, she went to the Gryffindor common room to study for an upcoming test. 

Snape slowly got to his feet and dusted himself off, there were a few scrapes from the fall, but nothing big. He was halfway down to the Slytherin dormitories before it had occurred to him that she had winked at him. 

Lily took a seat in the common room, and opened her Transfiguration book. She knew that she would do well on the test, but she still thought it best to study. Her emerald eyes moved over the book slowly. 

Remus was sitting looking a bit stressed in the corner of the common room, his hands were in his hair as he poured endlessly over the many books that were spread open in front of him as he muttered incantations under his breath. 

"Remus?" She asked, looking up at him. "You okay?"

Lily got up and went to him. She gave him a worried look, and frowned. 

Remus continued to mutter incantations under his breath. He took out his wand as he ran his finger down a roll of parchment where his notes were, he gave a swish and pointed at the goblet that was supposed to transfigure into a rabbit. Instead it bounced across the table. 

Remus furrowed his brow and took his book into his hands determined to find out what he did wrong. 

"You flourished your wand a bit too much, Remy." She said taking a seat, and grabbing the hopping goblet before it bounced away. "Just slow it down a bit, and get the motion right. Lily waved her wand at the wriggling tableware, and set it down. 

Remus slumped, burying his face in his hands with a sigh. He nodded and looked up at Lily, He looked at his notes again and then picked up his wand, he gave it another wave and the goblet grew ears but still looked like a goblet. Remus looked disappointed. "It's okay, Remus. Just try again. But now try muttering the spell more forcefully." She put her hand on his arm reassuringly. "You'll get it. I know you will." 

Remus nodded. He readied himself and then forcefully muttered the incantation as he gave an equally forceful flick of his wand. The goblet turned into a rabbit and hopped toward him and nibbled softly on his fingers. Remus smiled as he petted the rabbit. "Thank you Lily." 

"No problem." She gave him a soft smile, and brushed his hair with her fingertips so it fell back in it's rightful place. Lily grinned at him, and got up. "All in a days work. Plus, it's sad to see you upset."

She snickered, and excused herself. Going up to the girl's dorm, she flopped down on the bed, and looked up at the ceiling. She was soon asleep. 

Remus smiled and returned to his studies, he was determined to pass the test in Transfiguration tomorrow. He fell asleep atop his books on the table in the common room, and was only awakened by the shouting of arguing 1st years the next morning… 

Lily came springing down the stairs at the sound of action. She had just gotten done putting her shoes on. "Oi! You lot! Break it up!" 

Remus was rubbing the sleep out of his eyes and gathering his books together, he flashed the first years a dangerous look and they stopped at once and left the common room toward the great hall for breakfast. Lily gave them a nod, and left the common room as well. She saw Remus a bit down the hall and sped to catch up to him. Noticing Lily running to catch up with him, he slowed, down "Morning Lily, ready for the test?" he asked a bit anxiously, "I don't know if I'll be able to eat, I stayed up all night going over my notes, I just hope its enough." he said as he secured his bag on his shoulder. 

Lily laughed. "If McGonagall didn't put charms on the test, I'd tell you to sit by me." She gave him an amused look. "I've been around you marauders too much lately." 

Remus laughed, as they turned into the Great Hall. Sirius and James were already there, talking animatedly about quidditch of course… Remus took a seat and poured himself a glass of water. 

Lily sat a bit away from the Marauders, as usual. Not close enough so they could start a conversation, but not so far away that she couldn't hear theirs. She grabbed a couple pancakes with her fork and put them on the plate. She began to eat them quickly, and took a long swig of milk. 

Severus entered the great hall looking sour as usual as he took a seat next to Crabbe and Goyle and served himself a waffle and a couple of strips of bacon. Crabbe and Goyle were whispering stupidly next to him, Snape ate his breakfast in a moody silence, ignoring the Gryffindor table all together. They suddenly wanted Snape's opinion nudged him to join their conversation. 

Lily saw the dark figure she had grown to memorize enter the great hall. She didn't even need to look up to know who it was. Her emerald eyes were fixed on her plate. Taking another bite of pancakes, she wished he would at least acknowledge her existence. She felt lonely all of a sudden. Picking up her plate, she scooted closer to the marauders to perhaps talk to Remus about the transfiguration test. 

Remus was picking at a boiled egg, too nervous to eat anything else. He noticed Lily scoot closer to him, and gave a weak smile. 

Lily smiled back. "Too nervous to eat? I suggest you wrap some toast up in a napkin. Afterward you'll be sorry you didn't eat more." 

Remus nodded and took a sausage link and a bit of toast wrapped it up in a napkin and put it in his bag.

"Yeah, I've done the same thing so many times, Remus." She chuckled and looked up at James and Sirius who were sitting across from them. 

Crabbe laughed. "What do you think, Severus? I mean, Evans. She's just one of the kind of girls you'd like to get into bed because you know she's got to be a little crazy." 

Snape closed his eyes and forced himself to regain control, he looked to Crabbe, and gave a sneering smirk. "She's a mudblood, why would you sully your sheets just for a fun night?" he retorted in his usual Snape-ish way. He couldn't let on that he actually liked her, not even a little bit.

"True, but nobody would know and it could certainly be worth it." Crabbe nodded lightly and looked to Goyle. "You must admit she's pretty for a mudblood." 

Snape felt something inside him enrage, "Enough," he hissed, "I am trying to enjoy my breakfast, I don't need you two gits spoiling it by making me nauseous with your disgusting obsession of mudbloods." He said as he stabbed his fork into a bit of waffle and shoved it into his mouth. 

Crabbe laughed. "Alright, Snape. Alright. Don't get your panties in a wad, we were only kidding around." 

Snape rolled his eyes as he ate his breakfast, when he was sure no one was looking he chanced a glance at Lily. 

Lily was talking to Sirius about something. They seemed to be arguing. 

"That's not true, Sirius. I never said I would tutor him everyday." She shook her head. "He's got quidditch practice, and plus, I've got other things to do as well." 

"Oh like what? " Sirius asked as he folded his arms across his chest indignantly. 

"I don't have to answer anything to you, Black." Lily crossed her arms mockingly, a grin forming on her face. 

Sirius mimicked her and crossed his arms back, "Oh, tsk, well, then" he said in a mocking voice as he nudged, James, "Look at her, acting all high and mighty." He teased as he shook his head. 

Lily scoffed, and flicked a bit of egg at him. She laughed as it hit him right in the middle of the forehead. "Me, high and mighty? You might look at yourself in the mirror for a change, Black." 

Sirius peeled the egg off his forehead and examined it before he put it in his mouth, "That I do, Miss Evans, and I am pleased with what I see every time." He smiled cockily. 

Lily hit him with a whole piece of toast right on the nose, leaving butter on the tip of it. She erupted into laughter that echoed to the other marauders around her. It seemed she fit in better than they thought. And she was having fun too. For this brief moment, Lily forgot completely about Severus, only concerned with the prospect of throwing more food at the cocky boy across from her. 

Sirius's eyes narrowed slightly as the other laughed at him, he then took the toast off his face and licked his fingers as he devoured the morsel, wiping the butter off his fingers and licking them clean. 

"Still got a bit of butter on your nose." She said, trying not to burst into laughter again. 

Sirius playfully tried to reach the bit of butter on his nose, using on his tongue, he felt his ego soar as those around them reeled in laughter. 

"You are such a git, Black." Lily said, glancing up at the Slytherin table.

Severus caught Lily's gaze, held it for a moment, wanting to see her reaction. 

Lily gave him a sorry look. She'd rather be sitting with him, of course. Mostly the reason she was sitting here was to catch his attention. He hadn't been showing her much lately. Severus gave a slight smile and then returned to his food. He looked to the door of the Great Hall and then looked back at Lily. She raised an eyebrow as if questioning if he wanted her to leave, and meet him out there. 

He then tore a bit of parchment scrawled a note and stuck it inside his book. He got up and left, very slyly dropping his book, accidentally on purpose so the note stuck out, he knew Lily would pick it up. Lily got up and went over to it. She pulled the note out and unraveled it on her way out, careful not to let anybody see it. 

'_The Lake.'_

It was in invitation, a request, an apology all expressed in those two words. 

Lily felt her chest rise as she read the words. Putting the note in her bag, she held the book to her chest, and headed toward the lake. She'd never been more thankful for a book in her life. Taking long strides, she hurried out the door of the entrance hall. 

Snape was leaning against the tree, twirling a leaf as he waited for Lily to join him.

She hurried over to the lake, not being able to stop herself from breaking out into a run. Lily blushed as she got nearer, and slowed down to a jog. Once she finally reached him, she held out the book. "Hi..." 

Severus looked at Lily and smiled, "Hi" he replied, dropping the leaf he was twirling.

She sat beside him and smiled. "So..."

"I was a git, Lily" he said as he looked into her eyes, he bit his lip and looked at her lips, "Could you ever forgive me?" he asked. 

Lily nodded. "I already have." Her hair looked like fire in the sun as she stared at him. She saw him look down at her lips, but she waited for him to move forward. Waited for the kiss she hoped was coming. The one she'd wanted for so long. 

Severus looked at her lips for a moment, "Good." he said, he couldn't play coy anymore, he had to kiss her, feel her lips against his. They were completely alone, he reached out and brushed his hair with his knuckles and then leaned in to kiss her.


	13. The Fall of James Potter

Lily met his lips, feeling light headed as soon as they touched. It was bliss. She scooted closer to him, putting her arms around his neck. Severus sighed, as he kissed her, happy he had done it, he had never felt happier, as he brushed her hair back and put one arm behind her neck and the other played in her hair. It was like electricity, each touch seemed so send shock waves straight through her. It was almost too much for her. Almost. Beaming, she broke the kiss and felt as though she could sprout wings. Snape looked at her smiling. Suddenly his world seemed a lot less gloomy and a lot brighter. He was illuminated by the gentleness of her kiss still lingering on his lips, though the kiss was over, the spring in her eyes, the fieriness of her hair. 

Lily looked into his black eyes, and kissed him gently again. "Severus... What now? What are we? I mean..." She looked slightly annoyed that she couldn't make her words form into the sentence she was trying. Perhaps it was that kiss that had her all mixed up. "Are we together or..."

She didn't want to say it, but she knew that eventually she would. _Am I your girlfriend?_ The words echoed through her head. So much so that it could almost be seen in her eyes. More than anything, she wanted to be. She wanted to be his, but would he catch on was the question. She was certain he would. Hoping desperately that he wanted the same thing. 

"I--" he started, "I don't know, do you wanna be together, I mean." he stammered, he just felt like kissing her again, he didn't want to talk about anything serious and spoil the moment, but he knew he would have to eventually, might as well be now. 

Lily nodded lightly. "Yeah... Yeah of course, but the next question is... will we tell everyone? I mean, your friends would think you were insane." 

"Would you want to tell everyone, I mean the marauders would only tease you more to find out you're going out with 'Snivellus.' " he said in a very Snape roundabout way of mentioning Potter without mentioning Potter. 

"I honestly don't care, but your friends are what I'm worried about." She said, kissing him on the cheek gently, and looking into his eyes again. Lily wasn't sure how James would react, but she knew it could only mean more trouble for Severus. 

Severus thought back to the conversation with Crabbe and Goyle, and he thought about Potter and Black. In all honesty he realized the only one who would be in more trouble over this would be him. He looked into her gorgeous green eyes. "Don't worry about it, I can handle them" he said, with a smile. She was worth any teasing he got, a hundred times over. 

Lily smiled largely and kissed him again, this time deepening it. She was in heaven. Running a hand through his hair, she opened her eyes. Ordinarily, she would have shut them, but she wanted to look at the guy she'd wanted to be with for all this time. To make sure it wasn't some crazy dream or fantasy. 

Severus sighed as she kissed him, it was soft and barely audible, he matched her deepening of the kiss as he kissed her back, feeling chills down his spine as he felt her fingers in her hair, he loved it. 

Lily smiled into the kiss. "I can't believe it... finally... we're finally--"

"What the bloody hell?!" A booming voice said from behind them. It seemed the marauders had decided to follow Lily out to the lake themselves. James looked furious. 

Severus looked up and saw James, Sirius, Lupin and Pettigrew standing there staring at them.

James looked furious, Sirius looked sick, disgusted really, Pettigrew and Lupin looked shocked.

Severus took Lily's hand and stared back at James, "Problem, Gentlemen?" He asked coolly. 

"Where do you get off kissing her, Snivellus? She's way too good for you. Greasy git." James said, pulling out his wand and stepping closer. "It's okay, Evans. You don't have to let him kiss you anymore. I'll take care of this guy."

Lily shook her head. "James... I want to kiss him. He and I are..." 

"Are? Dating?" James looked shocked and slightly hurt. "Why would you date him, Lily? He's... he's disgusting." 

Snape continued to hold Lily's hand, a stern, protective look in his eyes, "Well, apparently, Potter, she doesn't think so." He retorted, he had a feeling he didn't need to draw his wand, Potter wouldn't dare hurt him, if he was with Lily. 

Lily shook her head, and frowned. "Potter, you should put that wand away. It won't do you any good."

James was fuming. He put the wand away and stormed off. The rest of his company followed, but the way James was walking he was already half way to the school by the time they turned around. Remus gave one last look at Lily and Severus before he followed the others who ran after James into the castle. 

Severus held Lily's hand slightly tighter as he looked at her, he laid his head on her shoulder, and then looked up slowly to meet her eyes. "That went well." 

"I don't know if Potter is okay though. He seemed upset as he walked away. His walk was different." Lily said lightly, thoughtfully, but smiled down at Severus. 

Severus smiled back, his eyes however serious. "Does it bother you that Potter was hurt? He was probably only jealous." Snape said as he sat up and looked out into the forest. 

"Sort of. He's been acting a lot better since I've been tutoring him, but not so much." Lily shrugged lightly and ran a hand through her hair. 

"That's because he was alone with you. He thought you were warming up to him." Severus explained.

Lily nodded lightly. "Well I guess I kinda was. I don't see him as an annoying git anymore, but not as anything more than an acquaintance."

James was hurt. He walked down to the dungeons. Deep in the dungeons where hopefully nobody would follow or find him. Slamming his hand into a stone wall, he began to sob and slammed his back against the wall, letting his bleeding hand fall to the ground beside him as he slid down. He pulled his knees up to his chest, wrapping his arms around them. 

James sat there, the tears pouring like a waterfall down his cheeks. He couldn't believe he was crying. Crying like a child. 

His hand was stinging, but he didn't move to cover the bleeding. The blood dripped down onto the floor and mixed with the stone and dirt. He felt broken and used. He'd thought Lily was beginning to warm up to him. She was, but... why Snivellus? Why him? He wasn't good enough for her. By no means was he good enough for Lily Evans.

Remus was first to find James. He saw how distraught he was, how broken, he hesitated and wondered what he would say. 

James felt someone near and looked up. "Hey Moony..." He mumbled, not sure either.

"Prongs." Remus replied, as he walked over and leaned against the opposite wall, looking at his friend with unsure eyes.

James frowned and looked up at Remus. "What do I do, Rem? What do I do?" 

"I don't know, James." Remus replied, concern flickering in his voice. As soon as he said this, Sirius thundered down the hall. "Prongs!" He said as he sat next to him, like a brother, 

James grinned. "Hey Padfoot."

He buried his head in his best friend's chest, in a completely platonic, brotherly embrace. James knew his friends would be there. "Thank you, you two..."

Pettigrew peaked around the corner, silently watching.

Remus nodded, he didn't have the heart to tell James that it had been he that suggested that Lily and Snape get together, because of their common distaste for him.

He felt uneasy and unable to give his friend any guidance. Sirius comforted James. "Of course, Prongs." 

James felt tears rise into his eyes again. He gripped Sirius' shirt, hating the fact that he had to hold on to him for support, but if he didn't, he knew he'd fall apart. They stood there in the silence only broken by James' cries, not knowing what to say or do. Remus felt the pang of guilt make him slightly nauseous as James' cries went on. He couldn't look at him, his face had gone paler than usual as he slid to the ground, sitting down across from him. Pettigrew whimpered and made rat-like movements. 

James looked up at them. "Snivellus? Anybody but him and I'd be okay..." He wiped the tears away and looked up at Sirius. "Sorry about that, Padfoot." 

"Don't worry about it, Prongs, its just a shirt" he said smiling weakly, he patted him on he back, and smirked thoughtfully, "What should we do, want us to help you win her back?" he suggested. 

"Ye-Yeah, Prongs, you're much better match for Lily than ole' Snivelly, she's bound to see that, m-maybe we just have to help her see the light?" Pettigrew offered. 

"N-no... If she's happy." James said. He grimaced at the floor. "If she's happy with him, I don't want to make her anything different." 

Sirius nodded and decided now would not be the time to argue with him, he just couldn't stomach the idea that Lily was happy with that slime. James sighed. "Lets go to the hospital wing and get this fixed up. I'll bleed out if we don't." It was still dripping, and had left stains on Sirius' shirt. 

Sirius helped James up, and Remus and Pettigrew lead the way to the Hospital wing.

James followed silently, wanting to grip on to one of them for support, but he didn't. He held himself as he usually did. Despite the puffy eyes, nobody could tell he was hurt emotionally at all. Running his unbloodied hand through his hair, James walked with his usual gait. Proud and uncaring of others around him. The boys spilled into the hospital wing, Sirius brilliantly came up with a story of how they had been dueling and James got in a rage and tried to punch him for calling him a mean name but he stepped aside and rammed his fist into the wall.

Remus and Pettigrew stood silently. 

Madam Pomfrey clucked over him, healing up his hand and telling him not to horseplay anymore before sending him out with a bandage around his hand. James looked angrily at the floor as they stepped out into the hall. "I'm such a git... I shouldn't even care... But I thought things were changing." 

"You cared for her Prongs, its natural to feel like scum when you find she felt otherwise" Sirius offered, Remus was silent and Pettigrew nodded eagerly in agreement 

"What's got you so silent, Moony?" James said, trying to take the attention away from himself on the subject. He wanted Lily to be happy. Even more than he wanted to be happy himself. Did that mean that he was growing up some? James couldn't be sure. The truth was, Remus had been very quiet since he'd found his friend in the dungeons. Could it be that he too was thinking about Lily's relationship with Snivellus? 

Remus felt a pang of dread loom over him as the spotlight was now upon him. He debated for half a second if he should be honest with his friend when he was in such a vulnerable state, Merlin knows what James would do if he found out one of his friends betrayed him. Remus smiled weakly, "Just wondering why none of us saw this coming." He replied. It was somewhat honest but not fully, he hoped it would be enough. 

James shrugged, deciding not to ask anything else. Though he got the feeling it was more, he didn't question it. If he was going to ask, it would be when he and Remus were alone.


	14. Remus' Guilt

Feeling slightly better, James looked at the other three. "So... what now?" 

"Well its almost dinner." Sirius said with a sigh, "Feeling up to eating Prongs?" He asked. Pettigrew made rat fidgety movements. Remus felt a surge of gratitude toward James for not pressing the matter further, though he knew it was only a matter of time before he did. 

"Yeah. I might eat something." He said, running a hand through his hair. "But if _they're_ there... together... I'm leaving, okay?" 

"Understandable" Sirius said as they all entered the Great Hall.

James looked around. The coast was clear. Taking a seat at the Gryffindor table, the dark haired boy smiled as his friends did the same. He wanted more than anything to hex Snivellus out of his mind, but he knew that would hurt Lily. So he held it back. If he made her happy... well then that would be fine with him. 

Severus sat at the Slytherin table, he noticed James come in with his friends and his mind went on alert. Just in case James tried anything, which he had a feeling he wouldn't, but it didn't hurt to be sure. 

Lily was sitting at the Gryffindor table, a bit away from the marauders. She didn't want to upset them, but she knew she had. She decided not to move any closer. They'd be upset as it was. She watched them take a seat, then looked at Severus. Severus locked eyes with her and smiled. He then looked away and served himself some food. She smiled back and looked down at her food. After dinner, she was going to meet up with him whether he knew it or not. Lily ate dinner lightly. 

Severus ate his food slowly, and occasionally stole a glance up at Lily. Remus noticed but didn't let on, he ate in silence but quickly so as to disappear in the library afterward and avoid James.

Lily, meanwhile, finished way before Severus. She fidgeted and waited for him to finish as well. 

Severus took a final bite of his main meal then reached for a cauldron cake for desert. 

James didn't eat at all. He too noticed the looks, and figured he wait until Remus was going to leave and follow him. There was no way Moony was getting away from it. He wanted to figure out what had him in a slump, and James wasn't about to give up easily.

Remus waited until he thought James wasn't paying attention and left muttering something about needing to study to Pettigrew, expecting him to pass it along. 

James was though. He had been looking at Lily fidget, but he saw Remus' move out of the corner of his eye. He told Sirius he'd meet up with him later, and went after the werewolf. "Remus! Oy! Moony! Wait up!" 

Remus closed his eyes and muttered a curse on his breath but he stopped, and turned and smiled genially at his friend. 

"Don't pretend, Moony. I know there's something up, and I bet I can guess what it is. Are you going to tell me or am I going to have to guess it out of you?" James raised an eyebrow. 

Remus blinked several times as he gave a sigh. He walked over and leaned against the wall. He shook his head, "I'm at fault, James" he said solemnly. 

"So then I'm right in thinking that you have feelings for Lily? What does it matter, Moony? She's with Snivellus, and neither of us got her." He shook his head. "Though thanks for not acting on it. I wouldn't let a girl come between us. Not even Evans." 

Remus felt significantly worse. He covered his face and tried to remain calm. "No, James, I never had feelings for her, I saw her as nothing more than a friend." he said. 

"Then what's got you upset, mate?" He asked, leaning closer to Remus, one eyebrow raised in confusion. What was it then, if Remus didn't like Lily, what could have him so upset?

Remus gave another sigh, "I'll understand if you never forgive me." he started, meeting his friend's eyes, "But understand, I had the best intentions for her at the time, "

"Wait... what? Remus. Just say it. I'm dense. You know that." He said, giving him a quizzical look. 

"Its my fault, Lily and Severus are together, James" he said outright, flinching slightly anticipating James' reaction. 

James looked shocked. "H-how?" Was the only words he could spit out. 

"It just made sense," Remus explained, "I just spoke to them, it was more of a friendly suggestion that they--" he cut himself off and turned away from James with a sigh. 

James looked stunned. "You... you did?"

Remus held his hand over his mouth, his hand was trembling, his composure was fighting his urge to display emotion. He nodded. James stood there, not exactly sure what to say. He wasn't really angry. Just shocked. He was never one to believe his friend's would betray him. Remus couldn't have honestly believed it would work anyway. His hazel eyes surveyed the werewolf. "Don't worry about it Remus. You didn't mean to hurt me." 

Remus gave a shudder, shocked and relieved at his friend's forgiveness. It was like he had been holding his breath his whole time, and was now able to breathe. 

"C'mon. Let's go to the library. We can study." He said holding out a hand to shake his friend's. "We don't get enough time together. Just you and me." 

Remus smiled a weak but bright smile and shook James' hand firmly. "You're right we don't." He said leading the way to the library. 

James followed. "I don't hold it against you, Remus. It would have happened whether or not you started it. I could see it in her eyes. She wanted to be with him. That's why she stood up for him. I just didn't want to believe it." 

Remus nodded, "I still feel awful that you got hurt by it all, Prongs" he admitted as they turned up the stairs that lead to the library. 

"I know, but it doesn't matter. I'll get over it." James ran a hand through his hair. 

Remus nodded as they entered the library. "Any subject in particular you want to study?" he asked. 

"Well we've got a potion's test coming up over facts... I think I could use a little work on that." He took a seat at one of the tables in the back so Madam Pince would have a harder time watching him. "But whatever you want, Moony." 

"I could help you with Potions" Remus said, "No problem, I have been studying Transfiguration all week, so it would be good to have a subject change." he added. 

"Yeah. How can you stand that? All week? Studying anything for that long is hell." James pulled out his potion's book, and opened it to a random page. "What exactly are we working on in there anyway?" 

"Polyjuice at the moment, if I recall correctly." Lupin replied taking out his potions book and his scrolls of notes. 

James flipped to the index and then flipped to the chapter of polyjuice potion. He began to read over it, his eyes getting even more tired by the second. "This is just confusing, Moony." 

"Its a complicated potion, takes months to brew, boomslang skin, I believe comes from a snake." He began to shuffle through his notes. 

James sighed. "I'm never going to get this. And Lily won't teach me anymore. That's for certain." 

"But would you want her to, now that she's with Severus?" Remus asked as he continued to go through his notes. 

"Actually... yes. I know it's the only time she'll ever be near me." James looked down at the table, not sure what to think anymore. 

Remus was silent as he continued to rummage through his notes, he held up a roll of parchment and scrutinized it, not sure what to say about the matter. 

James started reading again, this time keeping his mind set on the task of reading. He didn't want to think about Lily anymore. 

"Ah here it is, I was right, boomslang is a snake, native to sub-Saharan Africa, mostly feeds on lizards and other small animals, a tree snake, with relatively weak venom." Remus read off of his notes. 

James nodded, not really paying attention. His thoughts had drifted back to her... back to Lily. 

Remus went on about the various facts of the boomslang snake.

" . . .exceeding over 1.8 meters in length the boomsla--James? Are you getting all this?" he stopped mid sentence and looked at his friend. 

"No... sorry, Moony. I was just thinking is all." He frowned and ran a nervous hand through his hair. "I just thought... just thought we were hitting it off. She was a lot happier around me. At least I thought so. I can't believe... Snivellus." 

Remus nodded. "I understand, hard to think on something as trivial as booomslang skin when you're heart's been shattered." He said sympathetically, still feeling guilty that he had had a hand in this turn of events. 

James shook his head. "I'll be fine, Moony... I promise."

Remus nodded and continued to read the facts of Polyjuice ingredients from his notes.

"Alright so potions!" He dug around in his bag for his notes and found them lacking. Sighing, James put them away and reverted to reading the book. 

Remus continued to study potions with James, going over every fact thoroughly that he thought may be on the test. 

Afterward, James felt like his head was about to explode. So much information, but it made sense. "So you want to do something else, Moony?" 

"Sure anything you want, Prongs." He replied slowly packing away his notes.

"I dunno. Something fun." He stretched, popping his back in several different places. 

"You mean you don't think studying is fun?" Moony joked.

James laughed lightly. "Not really. I want something to get my mind off of everything." 

Remus stared at the table thoughtfully, drawing a blank, "Perhaps quidditch with Padfoot?" he offered. 

"Don't you want to join us though?" He raised an eyebrow questioningly and leaned back in his chair. 

"I should study for Charms." Remus said, "You go on, ahead, I'll see you in the common room later." 

"If you insist, Moony." James left the library, fully wishing that he could forget about Lily and most of all, Remus convincing her that she was in love with his enemy. Padfoot was in the common room, surrounded by girls as usual, wooing them with his charm and talk about how he saved the day during a quidditch game. James laughed as he walked in. "They falling for your lies again, Padfoot?" He sat down in an armchair not to far away, and leaned back. "How about we wow these girls with a little flying?" 

Sirius gave a smirk, "What do ya say, girls?" The girls squealed, Sirius smiled and then hopped over the couch to fetch his broom. "What do you say, Prongs, a friendly race?" he challenged playfully. 

"Friendly? After this, you'll be pissed at me and you know it. I've always been the better quidditch player." He said, grinning at the girls and getting up as well to follow him up to the boys dorm to get their brooms. "So... you think one of them will have me? I really need some rebound."

James asked this once they had gotten up the stairs. 

"Are you kidding, Prongs, they're practically swooning, you could have any one of them, the thing you have to worry about is disappointing the girls you don't pick." Padfoot said as they entered the dormitories, he went over to his bed and got his broom that was leaning against the wall by his bed.

"You are so going down, Prongs," he teased as he playfully slugged James in the arm on his way out of the dormitory. 

James shook his head, planning on pulling out all the big guns to beat his friend. Tonight it would be nice to just snog with a girl while thinking of _her_. He'd tried not to do things like that, but turns out it didn't work. Even envisioning kissing Lily was like heaven. And to think. That slimeball was probably doing just that right now.


	15. Passionate Endings

Snape sat in the disused Runes classroom, waiting for Lily. He sat on one of the tables, and doodled in his potions book to make the time go by faster. Lily hurried down the hall, her red hair flying behind her. She was late, but it wasn't really her fault. Professor McGonagall has asked her to stay behind to help shelve some of her books. Bursting into the ancient runes room, she smiled up at him. "Hey..." 

Breathless and panting, she shut the door after her. 

Smirking into a smile upon seeing her face, he stood and walked toward her. He stopped when they were inches apart, brushing back that stray strand of red. He leaned in and gave her a gentle kiss.

"Hey" He said. 

Feeling even more out of breath, Lily smirked as well and looked up into his eyes. "I saw Potter in the hallway a few minutes ago. He seemed fine. Immersed in a group of giggling girls with Black."

She wrapped her arms around his shoulders, just glad that they met up here. 

"Good, then I get to have you all to myself without having to worry about his incessant jealousy." he said wrapping his arms around her waist. 

She let out a soft chuckle and kissed him on the lips lightly. "That'll be refreshing." 

"Mmm hmm" he said as he pushed back a bit of red from around her face and kissed her lightly, nibbling her lips with his. "Quite." he said as he continued to nibble teasingly. 

Running a hand through his hair, she allowed him to nibble, and moved closer to him. The warmth of his body against hers felt very nice. She'd been extremely cold in the Transfiguration Classroom. He let his hot breath sink slowly into her mouth as he opened his mouth slightly wider, still nibbling, though his lips slowly became a tad bit more wet against hers. He held her firm around her waist, loving the feel of her body against his. Feeling the passion rise, Lily leaned against the door behind her, hardly able to hold herself up any longer. It was almost too much for her. 

Severus sighed softly as he opened his mouth a bit wider letting his breath seep in more, he continued to nibble, a kiss all on its own, letting their lips dance around each other in a playful teasing game to see how long they could last before the powerful urge to snog over took them. 

She finally gave in and turned it into a full fledged kiss. Lily felt her fingers wrap around the back of his neck, as if she needed to hold him there. Severus moaned slightly feeling the entirety of her mouth mingle with his. He released on hand from around her waist and braced himself by placing it against the door. She moved her hands down to his waist and began to run her hands across his back. Lily staggered her feet so that she could stand for longer and let out a small moan into his mouth. 

Severus exhaled a strangled moan as he continued to kiss her, keeping his hand firmly around her waist, his eyes closed gently as if the darkness would heighten his sense of touch and he would fully feel the extravagant ecstasy of her kiss. Lily wanted to be as close to him as possible. She pressed her body against his, loving the feel of his lean body against her soft one. Severus changed the angle of the kiss and exhaled softly, giving a slight moan, his eyes closed, senses heightened. This was by far, the best moment of his life. 

Lily ran her hand through his hair, completely caught up in the moment. Her body was screaming to get closer to his. She picked up her right leg and wrapped it around his waist gently as a soft moan escaped her lips. _Bloody Baron's Ghost! _The words rang Severus's thoughts, he ran his hand down her waist to the very nape of her back, he felt himself get excited and the passion of his kiss increased. Lily quickly moved from the door. She moved over to a desk and sat on top of it as she pulled him over to her. If they hit the door, their position would be given away and they would be caught. Severus followed Lily over to the desk willingly, but before they resumed their activities, he took his wand from his robes and gave it a flick toward the door. Click, it magically locked, so they couldn't be disturbed.

"Good thinking." She said in a low voice before pulling him back into the kiss. Lily locked her lips with his, feeling every excruciating second that they were apart like an eternity. Her body ached to be near his again.

Severus gave a sort of whimpering moan, as he felt the warmth of her mouth against his. He held her waist again, setting his wand back into his robes before bracing himself by placing his hand on the space of table next to her. He felt his vision going foggy so he closed his eyes, feeling only his tongue dance around hers, hearing only her breathing and her heartbeat beat in time with his own. She leaned closer to him, and wrapped her legs around his waist again as well as her arms around his shoulders. Breaking the kiss, Lily moved down to his neck and began to plant small kisses down it. Severus gave those hyperventilating breaths of his, feeling her soft lips slither down his neck. He was beginning to get very, very, excited. He wanted to be closer to her, skin on skin. But he was by no means going to force himself on her, no, not Lily Evans. He felt his skin warm to her touch, he wrapped his other arm around her waist, stepping a bit closer to her. She wrapped her legs around him tighter, urging him forward.

Lily ran her palms against his chest and moved her fingers to the buttons of his shirt. She kissed down his chest as each button yielded to her long, thin fingers. Severus sighed, as he watched her do this, he licked his lips in anticipation, letting his fingers tangle in her hair, while the other steadied himself by delicately holding her waist. Lily pulled his shirt off, her hands moving over his pale, lean body. Kissing his collar bone, the redhead ran her fingertips across his hips.

Severus exhaled sharply as he felt her fingers along his chest and his hips. _Time to level the playing field._ he thought to himself. He lifted Lily's chin and kissed her softly as he ran his hands over her shoulders and slowly down her sides. He looked at her for a moment, as he slowly unbuttoned her shirt. He ran his hands gently over her breast, and leaned in to kiss her neck and slithered down to that tender area between her the base of her neck before her collar bone and lingered there with nibbling kisses as his fingers danced along the hem of her skirt, moaning slightly.

She scooted more to the end of the desk and ground her hips against his. Biting her lip, Lily fought back a moan as she felt his hard erection rub against her. The small voices in her head yelled for her to slow down. _You're a good girl, Lily Evans, not someone who does this sort of thing._ Shut up. _Severus wasn't this kind of boy, look what you've done to him. _Shut up! This was moving much to fast, but the stronger part of her brain silenced the chirping conscience. Lily had never wanted anything more.

Severus gave a hiss of pleasure as he felt her heat against his, he became more aroused, hard to the point of it hurting if he didn't do something about it. He looked up into Lily's eyes, he had to be sure, he didn't want to force penetration on her, it was hard to think, he just hoped to the depths that she wouldn't tell him to stop. His hand went to her unstrap her bra as he leaned in to suckle her neck, giving her a hickey.

Lily groaned and arched forward. She couldn't take it anymore. Reaching down, she unbuttoned his pants, trying to hint to him that it was okay to keep going. He looked amazing. She'd never felt more attracted to him.

Severus watched as she unbuttoned his pants, becoming more aroused with each movement her hands made. He bit his lip, as he stepped closer, he laid Lily down on the table and got onto it himself. He lay over her, pants unbuckled, topless, hair ruffled. Slowly he went for her skirt, sliding it off with his gentle soft touch. 

Lily ran her hands up his sides, and smiled. "Go on, Severus. I'm ready."

Severus nodded, he pulled his pants down, along with his underwear, and pulled her underwear off. He shimmied up between her legs, and gently, slowly, penetrated.

Lily gasped and looked into his eyes, her face contorted in pain. As he had gotten in a little, she felt something give way. Tears formed in the corners of her eyes. Severus' eyes were locked onto hers, he was going as slow and gentle as he could

"Do you want me to stop?" He asked, seeing her tears.

"N-no..." She said, biting her lip roughly. "Keep going..."

Severus nodded, keeping his eyes on hers, slowly, gently, he managed to get himself all the way inside her, he exhaled softly before he started to thrust inside of her. Severus slowly began to move inside of her, he swallowed and let out a slight sigh. His obsidian eyes staring back into her emerald ones, his features calm, not a trace of the usual scowl that stays there.

A moan escaped her as she felt the pain slowly subside. She bit her crimson lips and arched her back. "Severus!"

Snape continued his slow motion, his pelvis rolling upward toward hers and back again, upwards toward hers and back again, his hands bracing himself over her lay flat on the table. Hearing his name, there was a hitch in his breath as he gave another sigh, "Lily." He breathed. 

She wrapped her legs around his hips and urged him forward. Lily had never felt so much passion in her life. She let out a moan again, this time the word, "Merlin..." escaped her.

Severus leaned down, closer to her, as he continued to move back and forth, back and forth, back and forth. He closed his eyes tight for a moment, before he gave a sharp exhaling breath, his fingers curled slightly on the table. 

Lily ran a hand through his hair, arching her back again. Planting small kisses on his neck and shoulder blade, she moaned again.

Severus' eyes slowly opened to slits, dark and drowsy with desire, feeling her lips on his skin, he gave a sound, somewhere between a sigh and a moan, as though it caught in his throat and couldn't fully form. He continued to move inside of her, feeling his passion, his pleasure mounting, slowly as he thrusted. Lily bit down on his shoulder, her emerald eyes narrowed as well. She ran her hands up his back.

"Mm" Severus moaned as she bit down on his shoulder, his breathing was now in time with his thrusting which maintained his slow steady and gentle rhythm. She moaned louder this time, her pleasure rising with each thrust. Lust clouded her brain as she pleaded for more.

Snape's eyes rolled slightly in his head from the pleasure of it all. He wanted to go faster, but he didn't want to hurt her. He continued his slow, gentle thrust, excitement mounting more as he felt her breasts rub against his chest, "Mm.." he moaned again, his breath sounded strangled as it continued to match his rhythm.

"You can go faster now, I think." She said in an airy voice.

Slowly, his speed increased, "Merlin above…" he breathed, leaning his head down over her shoulder, breathing becoming heavier as he slowly increased speed, his dark hair drooping onto her shoulder, sweat collecting on his chest as it rubbed against hers. "Lily" he breathed, voice barely there as the pleasure had dominated him to the point of speechlessness. 

Lily moaned, her voice filling the room. "Severus!! Oh, bloody hell!" She felt herself on the point of orgasm.

Slowly his speed continued to increase, his release too was coming closer and closer with each thrust, his fingers curled into fists on the table, thrusting back and forth, back and forth, he closed his eyes tight giving a strangled moan, pressing his lips on her shoulder.

Finally the wave of pleasure washed over her. Her muscles tensed and her back arched with each thrust. Her hands curled into fists as she let out a moan that became much louder with each shove.

Feeling her muscles tense, including the narrow cavern in which his now thrusted, he slid his head down so that the bridge of his nose now rested on her shoulder, "Yes…" He whimpered, thrusting faster, "Oh, yes!" his release was on the brink, like it was at the very tip and it was teasing him to come forth or not.

She felt the pleasure strengthen, and called his name loudly.

Severus bore down as he felt himself ejaculate, "Oh!" he cried out, giving quick and fast thrusts as the fluids shot out of him, his muscles tightened as the pleasure surged all through him, "Lily," he breathed, he fought to keep his eyes open, as they wanted to roll back in his head and close tightly all at once, his mouth stayed open as his legs trembled, his breath was huffy and heavy, though it started to relax as the last of his fluids dribbled out of him.

Lily breathed deeply. When he was done, she smiled up at him. "I love you, Severus."

Snape was panting, trying to catch his breath, but he nodded, "I love you too, Lily" He pushed himself up to look into her eyes, "I love you too" he repeated and leaned in to kiss her gently on the lips. 

Kissing him back, Lily grinned. "That was my first time..."

Severus smiled, "Mine too" he said. He backed himself out of her and laid down on the table beside her.

She grinned. "It was amazing. I can't believe we actually did though... I mean... Never in a million years did I think I'd be having sex on top of a desk!" Lily burst into hysterical laughter. Her, Lily Evans, prefect and extraordinary student, having sex on top of a desk in an old Ancient Runes classroom. Nobody would've believed it.

Severus laughed, "Neither did I." he replied, if he thought about, he didn't think he would ever have it. Everyone calling him slime, not exactly the kind of reputation that makes girls think him a stud and line up to be with him.

There was a long moment of silence between the two. A content sort of silence that was comfortable and nice. Though Lily had something on her mind. Her emerald eyes caught his obsidian ones. "Do you think we'll be together forever, Severus?"

Severus looked over at her, love in his eyes, "I certainly hope so" he said.


End file.
